


Battle Born

by broqueroi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Howling Commandos, BAMF Peggy Carter, Bucky dies on Valentine's day, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Major character death is that someone we all know who, Mentions of torture and suicide, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Team Bonding, The Valkyrie crashes on Bucky's birthday, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15278172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broqueroi/pseuds/broqueroi
Summary: Revenge. That's what she's been after. But along the way she found things she hasn't been looking for or even wanting. Would it be enough to change the outcome of her story?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a corresponded to the one my friend is writing. "Immersion" by NellieRaine. I was betaing her work when I came up with this one, and she was down once I pitched the idea to her. So took me a couple months to completely finish it. You don't have to read hers to this read this, but her work goes much in depth into Loki's story and his thoughts. Along the way she plays with reality itself quite a bit. 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146693
> 
> Also make sure not to Hide Creator's Style. Thank you.

It has been ages since she last saw sunshine and sky, and breathed fresh air. At times it seems like she has completely made up the life she dreams about at night.

The new cell she is being kept is dank, and moist. She would shiver if she could feel the cold. Her brain registers it's cold but she never feels it. Trying to sleep is a challenge these days, even with how much she gets exhausted her mind just doesn’t want to lose its consciousness.

Her body is bruised all over, either from rough beating or keeping too still on the hard ground; she stopped keeping tabs on them long time ago. Sometimes she measures time by the color of her fading bruises. The big ones usually take what she thinks 14-17 days to completely fade. Small ones around week or 10 days. The ones on her back are hard to guess.

The pounding of heavy feet outside the door immediately makes her tense and alert before three guards barge into the cell. Dark leather clothes, black helmets that encompass their heads; these are the only other people she was in contact with other than Dr. Zola. Their hands are rough as the first one grabs her by the bicep and hauls her to her feet that rarely get used anymore. The next thing she knows intimately, after all, she dreads it the most out of all the things they do to her. Shock collar snuggly fit onto her neck, they shove her in the general direction of the door. They never talk, no words unless to raise their fists in the air and shout “Hail Hydra”.  

They follow along dark grey hallways giving away nothing of where and what year she might be existing. It is a miracle she is not claustrophobic yet, with much of the time feeling like she is a thousand feet underground. At the end is an elevator, more advanced than any elevator she has ever seen, but that seems to be the usual case with her captors. Everything she encounters and sees the doctor using are things she is not sure the rest of the world has discovered yet.

They ride up. The door opens to a large factory, with big round egg-shaped objects littering the ground underneath, people working in between them, inserting heavy looking circles of blue light into a huge barrel pushing it together; it looked like an otherworldly mass weapon. Observing the workers, she sees that most of them have torn and rumpled clothes, and all of them look like they might drop dead any moment. She doesn’t know if she should feel relief that she is not entirely alone or panic for the workers look like American soldiers.

Far from the ground, she crosses the bridge with the guards and she sees the night sky from the window for the first time in a long time. The windows are lined together in between brick wall giving her more view. Too soon they arrive to their destination and she sees Dr. Zola behind a glass. But he isn’t alone; on the gurney strapped to it is a man, looking no different than the workers on the ground. He tries to look her way but his head is also held tight by the straps across his forehead.

As their custom the guards stand by the only door and keep careful eyes on the girl. Zola turns to her, “Good evening, Little Faust, perform on this test subject.” He points to the man.

She knows this procedure well, it has not happened a lot but a few times she was made to inflict as much pain on the “test subjects” as she can.

When she hesitates Zola presses a button on the remote he is clutching, and the collar sends an especially powerful shock through her body. Her body seizes and she falls to her knees.

“Tsk Tsk we do not have all the time in the world, Little Faust. The more you waste my time the more punishment you will receive, so I advise you to move along.” The girl rises on trembling legs and moves closer to the soldier as Zola watches her. When she reaches him she looks at him and finds blue-grey eyes that are full of questions and apprehension. Even with greasy hair and clothes that have seen better days she can see that he has a good build and a handsome face. “I’m sorry” she whispers to him, and brings her hand to his shoulders. She thinks he tried to nod or acknowledge that this is not her will.

After having it a few years, she has grown to control it fairly well. Though, it has accelerated considerably since being in captivity, and she is still growing used to it. She places her hand on his shoulders and soon the man's tense body immediately fills up with seizures, his eyes shut tight and he screams in agony around his mouth guard.

“Good.” Zola remarks as he jots down on his notebook, “more intensely now.” She does as told, and the man’s muscles clamp down even further, his eyes wide open now and unseeing, he makes no sound. This is what a man dying from internal pain must look like.

The girl is overtaken with disgust at herself for inflicting this, nearly takes her hand away without permission. She probably would have done it if Zola hadn’t spoken up at that moment, “Steady. 30 more seconds.” That is what she holds onto: thirty more seconds. In retrospect, it doesn’t seem like much time but at this moment both for the man and the girl it seems like an eternity until Zola tells her to stop.

Sucking in a huge breath she stumbles away from the man, who slumps in relief. Guilt and nausea threaten to break her.

Zola goes over to the man and checks his vitals, “Very good, it seems like you will be one of my legacies, Sergeant” then he turns to the girl, “I am not finished with you just yet, go sit near the wall until I say otherwise.”

* * *

Zola makes her repeat it three more times in between all the liquids that he injects the man with, a big machine overhanging him, before both the girl and the Sergeant lose all their energy. Each time it looks like he is losing a bit of himself to either the pain or the vials. He has taken to muttering his rank and what the girl assumes is his Army identification number.

“Sergeant three-two-five-five-seven-zero-three-eight”.

"Sit on that chair." Zola instructs her. Without looking she knows which chair Zola means. The girl eyes it for a minute long before the guards helps her to it none-too-gently. She digs her weak legs in, trying to stop it in vain.

As soon as she is in the chair, they strap her hands. The veins on both of her arms are littered with needle marks. She closes her eyes, tries to regulate her breath and heartbeat so that they’re back to normal. Her eyes fly back open when Zola grabs her hand, holding a syringe in his other hand.

All the girl's attention zeroes in on the needle that will pump her with whatever Zola's mad mind has come up with.

"Remember we are doing this for you. So that you will become great, never forget we have your best interest." She feels the needle pierce her skin, and the cool liquid that is now coursing through her veins, besides that she doesn't feel anything. She knows that if she was normal she would be screaming her head off like the others that were injected. She stays silent.

Her eyes then find the sergeant's. Neither look away for a long time.

Satisfied, Zola turns around with a now empty syringe and continues to write down on his notebook. She wonders what Zola writes down when suddenly he looks up from the table and looks directly at her, prompting her to tear her eyes away from the other man's, “You know you are a very special case, if this subject pulls through as now I am predicting him to be, you will become much more, Little Faust. You will serve Hydra well.” He says with a hint of pride in his voice.

Serve Hydra her ass, she will not serve these goddamn nazis even if they were to cut off her legs. But isn’t that what she's been doing? For the last who knows how long? Zola was still staring. She says nothing, but thinks of his long torturous death.

"Take her away now.” Zola tells the guards. As usual, they unstrap her and she tries to get to her feet in order to avoid their rough handling that leaves bruises oftentimes, and starts to limp back towards the door. One more glance towards the sergeant reveals his body limp against the restraints and Zola attaching some kind of device to his head.

* * *

Stale food was left on the floor when she entered the cell, she eats it all. As usual it tastes of chemical. Before she could begin to contemplate the usual of "How long will it go on?", "How long will it take until either HYDRA runs out of use of her or they break her to the point of no coming back?" she loses consciousness. Finally.

“Is anybody here? Bucky? Hello? If anyone is there answer me.” Comes a voice from outside the cell. For the first few seconds she wonders if her dreaming and hallucinations have become so bad to the point that she is making up names, then it really hits her that it’s real.

It takes her several tries before she can manage a hoarse shout, “Hello? I’m here.” And she supposes her voice isn’t as bad as she thought it would be for whoever it is, they tell her to stand back.

A giant hulking mass of muscles with a funny looking shield barrels into the tiny room. She tries to flinch away in fear but one look at the man's face and all she can manage to mumble is, “Golden retriever.”

“No ma'am, Captain America. Are you okay?” Painfully earnest blue eyes crouch down and ask her.

“If this is heaven I have no regret.” She mumbles again.

Captain America chuckles half-heartedly, “Can you stand up, we need to get out of here. Is anyone with you? I’m looking for Sergeant James Barnes of 107th.”

“No, no one is with me. And yeah I know there is a sergeant on the upper floor.” She manages, hoarsely. Hopefulness shines through the captain’s worried face. ‘Wow this guy is like looking at sunshine,’ She thinks.

“Can you point me out?” His voice sounds even more earnest, but also with a hint of desperation.

“Yeah, I can. Follow me.” She starts in the same direction as earlier.

“What’s your name?”

“Ruth.”

* * *

When they get closer to the room, they see Zola stumble out of the room in haste and run in the other direction.

“He should be in that room.” The captain runs ahead. When Ruth catches up to him, the captain has the sergeant out of his restraints and sitting up.

“Bucky? Hey, I thought you were dead.” Eyes shining and voice tinged with shear joy, he holds the sergeant’s face in his hands like he is holding something precious.

“Steve? I thought you were smaller.” The sergeant rasps out. Bucky. What a strange name Ruth thinks.

Bucky looks at Ruth then with something akin to unease. She looks away from his eyes, the guilt bubbling back up.

"Come on, let's get out of here." The captain tells them, half dragging Bucky with him.

"What happened to you?"

"I joined the army."

"Did it hurt?" With a hint of worry in his voice.

"A little."

"Is it permanent?"

"So far."

Bucky seems to pick up his strength pretty quickly after that. They run in the direction the captain is leading when the building shakes with explosions, and Schmidt calls for the captain, Zola beside him. While the captain fights Schmidt, Zola zeroes in on Bucky and Ruth, he looks like his prized toys are being taken away, like he would like them back.

The fight ends between them when Zola pulls the lever to separate the bridge. What comes next Ruth has never seen once in her life. The whole skin is ripped apart from Schmidt's face and carelessly tossed into the raging fire. Ruth thinks she will probably have nightmares about this for centuries to come, if she lives that long.

"You don't have one of those, do you?"

Ruth hopes not. Both of them disappear into the elevator, the captain prompts them to keep moving. "Where is the entrance?" She asks the captain.

"It's on the other side of this bridge. We would need to cross this gap somehow." That's when the captain points towards the metal beam above.

They run up the stairs, and they don't give themselves time to think before Ruth crosses the cantilever. At this point she is full of adrenaline, with thoughts that even if she falls at least all of this would end, calms her enough to finish the walk. When she reaches the other side, the captain urges Bucky to go next. But just when he was almost to the edge, the support beam starts to groan. Overwrought with panic, Bucky jumps before he could fall into the fire below.

Ruth helps him climb the railing, but Bucky only agonizingly stares back at the captain, like through sheer staring he can transport him to his side. "There is gotta be something. A rope or something."

"Go! get out of here!" The captain shouts.

"No! Not without you!" Bucky screams back. Ruth hears pure agony and desperation in his voice.

It seems like the captain has heard the same thing Ruth has heard, because he starts to back away and quite literally jumps the distance. To their horror, just as he was at the height of his jump, the flames from the explosions engulf him. Ruth instinctively holds a hand out to pull Bucky from the edge, as he shouts "Steve!" like he just might go after the captain. But before his shout could even end, the captain sails out of the flames and grips the railing. Bucky immediately pulls the coughing captain from the flames and heat into his arms. Before they can linger any longer, they drag themselves to descend the stairs, and, in a matter of minutes, they reach the ground with their heartbeats loud in their ears.

The building now is completely on fire; it looks beautiful to Ruth, the flames against the night of the sky. Their exit was to the side of the forest. Ruth feasts on the images before her. Though, instead of the expectant sound of the fire she can hear Bucky indignantly yell at Steve for being a "stupid punk who always fucking runs into the fire". Literally and figuratively. He then pulls Steve's face towards him and litters kisses all over it. Steve has his arms around Bucky's waist, looking like he never wants to hug anyone other than the sergeant. As though having his fill of kissing the other man, Bucky tucks his head into Steve's neck. Two men molded as one, Ruth couldn't tear her eyes away from the very intimate display.

As if  Bucky has just remembered that there is someone else with them, he turns to look at Ruth and lets go of Steve reluctantly. At that, Steve looks at Ruth too.

With a sour look on his face, Bucky speaks "Look, how about you forget you ever saw this and I don't hafta do anything I shouldn't do to a dame." The sergeant tries to threaten but Ruth can also hear his plea.

Steve steps up to Bucky, holds onto his bicep, "He didn't mean that. Of course, we ain't gonna do any harm. Right, Buck?" The captain jerks Bucky a little to his side.

She knows of the discrimination of certain people since she was little. She has felt it in her skin and bones everyday of her life. Ruth sighs, she knows what these two men are afraid of. She knows intimately.

"Look -"

Ruth starts to say when Bucky cuts her off, "I mean do what you have to, just don't bring Steve into this." He changes tactics, he pleads openly now.

"Bucky, no, you are not going to take the responsibility alone." Steve hisses at Bucky with hurt in his eyes. Bucky looks up, his gaze now fully offended like he can't believe Steve would be against him.

"Listen, I won't say anything I pinky-promise. And I never go back on a pinky-swear. And I know how you feel." she says the last part quietly.

Understanding dawns on both men, for their stance loosens up. Bucky lets out a breath with a nod, "Okay, thanks. I accept your promise."

Ruth rolls her eyes. "Asshole," she mutters, "I think we should move though, don't you?"

When they round the burning building and get to the front, they see bodies littered everywhere, most of them in black leathered clothes rather than the rattle tattle of green brown uniforms.

Bucky whistles appreciatively.

A little farther down they see a big group of American soldiers. When they see them, a few of them step forward.

"You really are something, _Captain America_. Barnes! Thought we wouldn't see your ugly mug, again. We were just getting finished scraping some-" He was a big man with a ginger mustache adorning his face. His voice falters when he sees a girl walking behind them. Long black hair greasy and in disarray, dirty black t-shirt and pants held up on a malnourished frame, skin a bit red and feverish. Everyone pauses a little. Because it's war and sure, they see forgotten children every day here and there but never so close to the battle ground. Ruth eyes them apprehensively, after all she was just in captivity for a little over a year now. All of this sudden human contact and clear air are proving to be a little bit of a sensory overload for her.

"You were doing what, soldier?" The captain prompts, not addressing the sudden pause in the group.

"Uhh gathering essentials. Weapons, aid kits, food, few of us are rounding up the tanks and trucks now." He draws his eyes away from the girl.

"Good, then we figure out which direction to go and head back to camp."

* * *

The march back to the base, besides the usual hunger and exhaustion, results in minimal trouble. The group loads most of the trucks and tanks with the injured. There is one truck that is for food and for some soldiers overtaken with exhaustion. They settle down with the sundown and continue at sunrise. For the most part Ruth feels alright, if occasional panics can be overlooked.

Though, she also noticed all her bruises, scars, and needle marks were gone. All of them. Even the scar of Hydra's symbol branded on the back of her neck is gone. It made little sense how it could disappear without any trace. How long did she even pass out for, between Zola's last injection and Steve's rescue? After secluding herself from the group, she spent one whole night searching all over her body for what's there and what’s not. Feeling the panic swell up, she sat there unmoving until sunrise, waving off whoever came to check if she was alright.

She also doesn't get a chance to talk to neither the captain nor the sergeant. But whenever she sees them, they are always attached at the hip, never too far away from the other. Their face are open and smiley, the springs in their steps are pronounced, even tangled together like that they manage to attend to nearly everybody.

Sometimes Ruth thinks she can feel the sergeant watching her. For what, she can only guess. Probably making sure she is not snitching on them.

They adopt 'Mother-Father' as a nickname from the little group of soldiers. Who in turn, sort of adopt Ruth as their personal responsibility to make sure she gets to the base safely. And she likes them, they don't ask a lot of question but they’re quick to joke and laugh or give her some space if she asks for it. It helps a lot. She doesn't succumb to the darkness. Talking to Jim Morita especially helps ease her transition and awkwardness a little better. Gabe Jones and Jacques Dernier are always sharing their own private jokes in French. They could be shit-talking about you right in front of you. Dum Dum Dugan and Monty Falsworth often butt heads, it ends either with Monty marching forward a bit faster or Dum Dum straying to an accusatory quietness.

On the second night, not wanting to be shoved into one of the trucks in the name of sleeping, Ruth is dozing near the edge of the camp. Too much of a reminder of an enclosed space she supposes. The night is chilly but the wind on her face and small sounds of insects and animals around are music to her starved ears.

She traces her neck, remembering the scars the shock collar gave her. Even her birthmark is gone. A tiny thing that should have been on her right shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?” Comes a voice from behind her. Ruth removes her hand from her neck and silently watches as Captain Rogers moves to sit beside her.

“More like don’t want to sleep.”

“Are you feeling okay? I wish we could get to the camp a little faster, so that you can get rest and checked out properly.”

“No, I’m fine. Just- I slept a lot. There was not a lot to do _but_ to sleep.” Or go a little stir crazy, goes unsaid.

The captain looks like he wants to ask more about it, but at the same time doesn't want to step over any lines. “If you would like to talk more about what happened, you can totally lend two of my ears that work properly now.” He replies with a hint of amusement.

That brings a little smile to Ruth's lips. She thinks she can see that inside and outside the captain is a good person. Respectful and considerate, if not a little hot-headed.  

“Thank you, Captain. That's very thoughtful of you. But I think I’m still processing what happened and what-not, you know.”

“I fully understand. Call me Steve. And I uhh- gotta apologize for Bucky again. He was a real jerk back there. But he’s a bit of a mother-hen, too. One time he made me wear three layers of sweaters underneath a winter coat just because my nose was runnin' a little. And it was August."

That draws a quiet laugh from the girl, but she looks at him seriously, needing to have his full attention, "Really, don't fret, Capt- Steve. And I really won't tell anyone. It must be quite unhinging to trust a stranger about something so dangerous, but if nothing else you can trust me to take it to my grave."

Steve seems to think that over and still doesn't look away from the darkest eyes he has ever seen. "Thank you, Ruth. I won't lie, I was a little worried. Good to know that was unnecessary. By the way, I hope the guys are treating you right. Bucky tells me they're a swell bunch of fellas but if any of them steps outta line you come tell me, yeah?”

Ruth looking away, snorts at that. “What, you're gonna come charging on a white shining horse and defend my honor by pummelling them with all those muscles of yours?”

He blushes a bit with a smirk. “If I can find a white horse, sure I will."

Ruth rolls her eyes. It was nice, just talking to someone.  

"I wasn’t always like this, you know. I was a scrawny little kid that weighed 90 pounds soaking wet.”

Before Ruth can even begin to formulate what he meant by that, “And, because he is a stupid little shit, he went ahead and got himself jacked with god knows what and experimented on.” A voice comes from above.

Ruth's feet jerk in surprise. "Holysh-"

A dark figure descends from the tree branches and flops down with a little huff. Sergeant Barnes slings his rifle over his shoulder and takes a seat next to Steve, leaning into him until there is no space between them.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna come down.” Steve says, eyes crinkling with fondness towards the sergeant's way. That gives Ruth a pause.

“Oh, you were coming to see him but I happened to be in the way, eh?"

"Sorta. Yeah. Well, _someone_ kept insisting he keep watch up on a _tree_ of all places, who for some reason was convinced that gives him a lot of vantage point in a _forest_." He says without looking away from Bucky meaningfully. Ruth suspects they simply wanted some time alone, just like her.

"Hey, I'm the marksman here. What do you know anything about vantage point, Rogers?"

"You see, Bucky here is a bit of an asshole. But once you manage to look past the assholery..." Steve glances at Ruth and pauses there for a few seconds, "well, honestly you'll see more of it but otherwise he is okay."

“Shut up, Steve. You're not allowed to talk anymore. In fact how about you never open that mouth of yours so that your stupid won't infect anyone else."

Ruth thinks, it's a little like watching an old married couple rib each other. The deep, comfortable aura between them suggests nothing of uncertainty. Ruth for sure can say most couples do not have this contentedness.

"Guess where I even got the stupid in the first place?" Steve fires back without missing a beat.

"Be careful, Rogers, I just might not kiss you for two whole hours," he says jovially then looks at Ruth. The light atmosphere from just a few seconds ago can be felt dissipating. Bucky clears his throat, "Listen, Ruth, Steve is right. I was a real jerk to ya. My ma would be turning in her grave if she found out I'm treating a girl this badly. Especially one who is willing to keep a secret for schmucks like us. So, thank you."

Ruth can feel her lips twitching, thinking she’s got to find some reassuring words to let these two hopeless fools know it's really alright. "Honestly, I really wasn't holding _anything_ against you, sergeant. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me. I wasn't sure if you even wanted to talk to me, but I'm really sorry for hurting you. I wish I didn't or found some way to make it less painful-" She trails off when Bucky winces and Steve looks at the other man with question and alarm written all over his face and body.

First, Bucky looks at the girl and smiles that thousand-watt smile that had the girls in Brooklyn falling all over him. "Ruth, the name is Bucky Barnes, I don't think I've introduced myself properly yet. And don't worry, it's all okay. It wasn't-"

"Bucky you gotta explain what she means by that in the next five seconds before I march back to find Zola and personally get the answers myself." Steve says in one breath.

It becomes obvious Bucky hasn't told anything to Steve yet. At least the part she was involved in. And that just makes Ruth wince again but for a whole new reason now. She just can't stop being trouble for them, can she?

"Jesus, Steve, calm down. Or _I_ will personally shackle you to this tree." Bucky retorts right back. “It wasn't anything serious. Zola just wanted to intimidate me a little is all. Good old technique to scare an uncooperating soldier."

"Uncooperating... Bucky you were literally strapped down to a table. How much more uncooperating _can_ you get." Steve demands, his sole focus on Bucky. Eyes begging for Bucky to tell him something. But the sergeant looks forward avoiding Steve altogether now.

Steve then turns his attention to Ruth, "What happened in there?" he asks.

And that was the question wasn't it? Ruth and Bucky knows what happened _to_ them, but they don't know what exactly happened. Not completely.

Ruth clears her throat, "Umm, well, it's hard to explain but I'll try-" she pauses as she looks at Bucky when he shifts to look at her. Just one look, it is apparent he doesn't want her to continue. But she does anyway. "For as long as I can remember I had this, _ability_ , is a strong word. More like a curse." She pauses for a few breaths to gather her courage. She has never told this to anyone before, but she feels like she can trust these two men. Maybe, she feels that way because she knows something of theirs in return. "I can't feel pain." Ruth eyes them for a few seconds, both of them waiting for her to continue, "and I can inflict pain on anyone with a touch. That's what Zola made me do to Bucky. And Bucky was not the only one. From time to time he would have these people, most of them men, that he called 'test subjects'. I only had a vague idea of what he was creating."

Steve watchs Ruth, and in turn Bucky, Steve.

"Wait, how long were you with them?" asks Steve.

Closing her eyes, shaking her head, "I was never _with_ them. They kidnapped me and made me do all that stuff. I don't know how they even found out about me, but somehow Zola knew. It was June of ‘42 the last time I saw a calendar."

"No no, I didn't mean like that. Just - ugh,"Steve furrows his brows and anger emanates from him like a furnace, "fucking Hydra. I punched Hitler in the face about a hundred times, but I swear to god I'm gonna punch all their faces for real, and real soon."

"You did what?" Bucky gasps out in confusion and horror.

Steve pauses suddenly and very deliberately turns to Bucky, "Uhh - it was for the war effort."

"Rogers, for fuck's sake you're gonna write me a full report on what you did everyday since we last saw each other, got it?"

"Fine, fine." then to both Ruth and Bucky's surprise, Steve holds out his hand to Ruth with a steel determination. "Here, do your worst. I gotta know."

Ruth thinks she understands the captain's line of thought and what he is asking for.

"You punk, no!" Bucky snatches Steve's hand away and opens his mouth to say some more when Steve suddenly clamps down like in pain. Bucky looks at Ruth to find her hand on Steve's shoulder.

Ruth likes to think herself not an exaggerator, but the look Bucky sent her way was the single most betrayed expression she has ever seen.

Bucky clutches the captain to his side when Steve is finally able to breathe, after she takes her hand away. Ruth tries not to hear the quiet murmur between the two men.

She knows she probably just cut off whatever understanding was forming between her and the sergeant, but knew that the captain needed it. She stands up briskly, when Steve tries to say something she bids him a goodnight mumbling something about being tired and leaves them in the camouflage of the darkness, heading in the direction of the trucks.

* * *

They arrive at the camp after eight nights and seven days of walking, all of them sagging in relief. When they near the tents, walking towards them Ruth sees the most striking woman she has ever seen, and her heart squeezes a little weirdly. She is in an officer's uniform with bright red lipstick. Maybe even a little too bright, like a shining hope in the midst of dirt and despair, thinks Ruth.

Steve faces a burly looking man and casually holds up his hands and goes, "Some of these men need medical attention. I'd like to surrender myself for a disciplinary actions."

Bucky lets out bit of a growl at that, “Dumbshit” can be heard under his breath.

Much to Bucky's relief, the man nods at the captain a bit disapprovingly,  "That won't be necessary". Then had to double take when he sees there is a girl standing in the midst of soldiers. "Rogers, who the hell is that?"

"Oh, we found her as a captive in the factory-base. She said she is an American citizen, Colonel".

The colonel looked at her quizzically, "Agent Carter, please see her to the infirmary and get her some goddamn food." he grumbles out and walks away into the tent. The woman looks at her and smiles a little, before turning to the captain, "You're late," Agent Carter says to Steve, smirking.

At that Steve brings out a smashed looking piece of metal from his pocket, "Couldn't call my ride." If Ruth hadn't seen Steve and Bucky together, she would have come to believe Steve is in relationship with this officer.

Ruth sees Bucky looking a little pissed, suddenly shout, "Hey! Let's hear it for Captain America!" Which prompts the two a little apart and the men to start cheering. Bucky exhales out. Ruth just watches it all with a little smile on her lips. Bucky glances at the smiling girl in the midst, knowing that she saw all that had just transpired behind the scene.

Agent Carter walks up to Ruth when the men die down, captain belows out every injured to be seen at the infirmary, and rest to get cleaned up and fed up, and slowly to the infirmary if needed.

"I'm Agent Peggy Carter. What is your name, dear?" she asks carefully.

"Ruth. Ruth Ayur, from O'ahu."

"Oh, nice to meet you, Ruth. I hope your family is faring well. And let us go to the infirmary too." She leads Ruth in that direction

The infirmary is already bustling with overloaded activity when they arrive. Ruth is not overly excited to see doctors of any kind but at the same time she hates that she has no idea what is happening with her body. If there is anything wrong she wouldn't know until it’s too late.

"Doctor Gregorich?" Agent Carter calls out, and young woman around her thirties looks up from her patient. Holds up a finger to indicate a minute.

"Umm… I can wait. They seem busy." Ruth offers the agent.

"No, Ruth, you are a priority, too. And Dr. Gregorich is the best here." She assures with a kind smile.

Ruth stares a little at the agent. Even with a kind smile and voice, one look at the agent's eyes, god help anyone that opposes Agent Carter.

"Agent Carter, can you take a look at this?" a young man in an officers' uniform approaches them from the doorway with a clipboard in his hand. Agent Carter accepts the clipboard and looks it over before informing the man to get the signature from the general in question. All the while, Ruth awkwardly stands next to them trying to appear like she is not eavesdropping.

A shout draws all their attention though, "Hold him down!" Dr. Gregorich orders the nurses, as the soldier tries to wrench his leg from their grip. The room is filled with screams as Dr. Gregorich digs around for the bullet in his thigh.

Face grim, the man with a clipboard leaves the infirmary. Agent Carter and Ruth stand there watching the scene in front of them.

Finally, the bullet retrieved, the doctor leaves him to the nurses with the instruction to give him antibiotics and anesthetics. Taking her gloves off and trashing them, she approaches the two, wiping her hands.

"My apologies for keeping you waiting." The doctor says pleasantly.

"Oh no worries, you were occupied. This is Ruth, she was amongst the group that just got liberated from Austria." Like that explains a lot, the doctor nods at the agent.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Gregorich. Can I have you follow me to the bed behind the curtains, Ruth? It's only a simple check up, nothing major." With that she takes a few steps in that direction.

She feels conflicted following the doctor, her brain is supplying all the horrible shit Zola did to her wearing those white coats, but at the same time she needs to know what’s happening with herself. Ruth looks at Agent Carter questioningly as if wanting an approval; as if wanting to know whether it's alright to go with the doctor. It seems the agent understood Ruth, for she tells her, "Dr. Gregorich and I have known each other for a long time now. I would trust her with my life." And Ruth believes the agent. Also, she wonders how in the hell she’s already managed to trust the agent so fast. "I will be here until you come out." With a nod Ruth follows Dr. Gregorich.

During the check-up Dr. Gregorich makes sure to always explain what she is going to do and how things work. Looking at the doctors' blue eyes Ruth finds nothing besides honesty and sincerity.

It doesn't take long, too, and she deems her in good health, if not a little dehydrated and malnourished. Frankly, she is surprised. She wonders what the diagnosis would have been if Zola hadn't injected her with that last syringe. Whatever it was, she is sure Zola is close to completing his serum. A serum that magically erased all her ailments and wounds. She is glad it didn't take long, too. Her general apprehension towards the doctors and any clinical instrument only heightened after the last year and a half.

Agent Carter comes up to her when she is done and Ruth bids goodbye to Dr. Gregorich. But not before promising to come to her if she ever feels anything. A void promise she is not sure she can keep but she gives it anyway.

"Let's have you into some proper clothing and have you fed."

After showering, wearing decent and warm clothing, and eating something other than stale food, Ruth can feel sleep tugging for the first time in a long while. Agent Carter seems to notice it too, for she leads Ruth to a small tent a little far from most tents. "No one will be allowed in here besides you, we have patrols out at all times so you may relax. If you need anything just tell anyone passing by to come call me."

"Uhh - Thank you."

"It's no problem, Ruth."

Ruth moves to enter the tent, but hesitates for there is something that has been on her mind. "Agent Carter?" she calls out, prompting the already moving agent to turn back. "Umm - that's it? You guys are not gonna question me or anything? I could be dangerous."

"We will, but you are not a prisoner anymore. We take care of our own first before we start asking questions. We'll get you home, Ruth. I promise you." The agent smiles. She smiles a lot.

Ruth nods her understanding and gets into the tent. Inside the tent, there is one single cot, with a nightstand, a small shelf clearly, for clothes and what-not, and a simple table with two chairs adorn the one corner. Exhaustion courses through her as she crawls into the cot and lets the sleep take over.

* * *

Several days go by before Colonel Phillips takes Ruth in for some due questioning. She didn’t think she could grow close to the people around her this quickly. But after spending the majority of the time with the guys, who are now calling themselves the "Howling Commandos", Ruth can say she feels at ease. Although, she wishes she could spend more time with Agent Carter, she’s had little luck so far. From what she heard around the camp, she is one hell of an agent and an officer. Everybody talks about how she socked Hodge in basic, and has a mind wicked enough to out-maneuver the most devilish of those around. Wherever she goes, she demands respect and oozes authority. And that is not an easy thing to accomplish in the midst of all these righteous men, and, to top it off, a war nonetheless. Therefore, it is of no surprise that Ruth wishes she could be mentored by Agent Carter. The thought of learning from this woman sends her blood pressure both dropping and skyrocketing. Ruth nearly feels her breath stop when she sees Agent Carter strolling into the pub they’ve been frequenting the last few hours. The guys tried to protest when she decided to join but one swift glare to their direction shut them up pretty quick. And they even got her a glass of beer. But it was not like it was them who were paying for all the booze. The good captain volunteered to pay for all their drinks. She wasn't crazy for the beer, as were the people around her, but she sipped it once in a while. The feeling of safety and the men singing random songs put her in a good mood. It had been a long time since she had been surrounded by joviality and fun. There used to be all sorts of celebrations and fun around, at her home, before the war that is. But the bombing at Pearl Harbor had irrevocably changed everything. Ruth doubts O'ahu will ever feel like home.

Agent Carter breezes past them to where Steve and Bucky are drinking together. Their private atmosphere broken by a woman in a red dress and lipstick. She is exchanging a few words with Steve, Bucky hovering next to them. Ruth wonders what is really happening there.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Ruth asks the men around her.

"Probably something about making babies together." Morita jokes lewdly, drawing laughter from around the table.

"And Barnes looks not too keen on backing down either, though from the looks of it I doubt he has any chance with her." Monty says thoughtfully.

"She looks ready to neck with him right then and there" Dum Dum chimes in.

Ruth knows it is harmless teasing between soldiers, but given how disrespectful it is and not at all what any woman deserves she gears up to give them an earful. She even clears her throat but someone beats her to it.

"Alright people watch what you're saying _and_ about who exactly." Gabe interjects pointedly. Ruth looks at the soldier in surprise. But she also finds she is not as surprised. Considering he is probably the most educated amongst a good part of all these soldiers. They sober up a bit after that.

Agent Carter walks past them again on her way out. And Ruth would swear on her life that the agent smiled in her direction. Her eyes helplessly follow the agent until out of sight.

"You are right, my friend. It was utmost disrespectful." Monty acknowledges with astounding sobriety, considering how much he has drank in the last hour alone.

The soberness doesn’t last for very long though. It seems it never does with this group. Ruth observes them and laughs along if she finds something funny, but mostly she snorts at whatever they spout about.

She also watches the two men at the bar. Heads inclined towards each other, they seem to be talking about something with much heat. She looks further to the soldiers having a drink, spirits high that they have avoided the jaws of death once more and get to go home.

Even surrounded with such enthusiasm, Ruth can't seem to bring herself to celebrate with them. She feels detached somehow, like the last year and a half has been a dreadful dream she has just woken up from.

She stands up to get some fresh air. The guys all look up, making her pause

“Something wrong?” Dum Dum asks with concern etched on his more than tipsy state.

"Umm - just need some air. Be right back." she bids them and fluidly zig zags out of the pub. Even after a few days, fresh air and wind still make her knees weak with how good it feels. She wants to take off her shoes and feel the dirt and grass beneath her feet. She starts walking around the pub towards the forest. She reaches the grass and throws herself to the ground, and simply lays there.

Stars twinkling in the sky, her mind wander. She wonders how is the state like in O’ahu right now, if things have become better or worse. She believes it's probably worse. But she’s heard things are even more awful for the mainland Japanese and Asian people. Jim and her exchanged few worries for their people back home, but she wants to ask and know more. Without permission the images of the first few months of her captivity enters her mind. How hellish it was to be kept in a cell that was all white and nothing else, and how it had taken a toll on her mentality and senses, she shudders remembering it.

The sound of a scuffle reach her ears. She turns to look, only to find the captain pinning the sergeant to the bricks of the pub, furiously kissing the other man. Sighing inwardly, Ruth wonders how in the hell they managed not getting discovered so far.

She whistles loudly and they spring apart, with alarm etched on their faces they look around for anyone. The relative darkness and the grass hid her well from both men. When she raises her hand both of them zero in, "You dumbshits should probably get a room!" she hollers.

Shoulders relaxing, stance not so coiled anymore, Bucky gives her the finger before dragging Steve by his hand to god knows where.

* * *

The next day Ruth finds herself in front of Colonel Phillips and Agent Carter in his bunker.  Feeling like she is going to barf from nervousness. Head overworking itself on what to say and what not to say, she knows she has to play this right. Her future fully depends on this meeting right now. For the last few days she has considered over and over what exactly to say and which one would result in the best outcome.

"Thank you for joining us," Colonel Phillips starts, "to start off, if I could have your name, where you are from, date of birth, any relatives, and as detailed accounts possible of how you ended up in Kreischberg, Austria."

"Well, my name is Ruth Ayur, date of birth January sixteenth of 1925. Born and raised in O'ahu, Hawaii. No living relatives" she recites like a mantra. "It has only been a few months since the attack on Pearl Harbor when I was kidnapped from my home. And was a prisoner of Dr. Arnim Zola and his affiliation, Hydra. Though they rarely stayed in one place for long. New facility every so often. And at the latest facility the captain found me, and freed me." She describes the last year and a half as succinctly as possible.

"And for what reason did Hydra keep you?"

"For some reason, the doctor knew about my situation and injected me with various serums. He failed a lot, too."

"Can you elaborate on the experiment he was conducting?"

"I don't know much, but whatever he was doing was supposed to erase someone's memory completely. But I think at the same time he was creating a serum to make a human more durable and strong."

His frowny face frowns even more, he writes down on his papers as Agent Carter also stiffens up. Then he looks up at Ruth.

"Did anyone from the 107th ever participate in these experiments?” The colonel asks ever still focusing his stern gaze on the girl.

Well shit. What is she suppose to tell him? That his very own sergeant was jacked up with god knows what, and must be under watch? Reckoning his reaction the other night Ruth can be pretty sure Sergeant Barnes wouldn’t want anyone to know.

“No. Not that I’m aware of.” She tells him, with as much resolute confidence as possible.

“And you said you were injected with various serums. What serums were they?”

Double shit. So much for rehearsing for several days, “I don’t know. As I said he often failed. Most of the people he experimented on died. Sometimes they would get terminally ill and discarded somewhere. I don’t think I was injected with anything serious since I was diagnosed fine and not dead, yet.”

“Hmm. Your situation. What did you mean by that, Ms. Ayur?" He asks.

That gives Ruth a pause. “Come again?”

“Earlier you said Zola knew about your ‘situation’. What is it?”

Oh. Her _situation._ It was supposed to be something of a secret. Though, she is guessing it can no longer be classified in that department. Even if Colonel Phillips did nothing to indicate he was untrustful, she also doesn't have any specific reason to trust him. And he is an extension of the military and the military she learned long ago is not to be trusted. The things they have done to her home and people are still fresh on her mind.

"If I tell you, what would happen to me? The last man who found out about it did experiments on me. Is there any guarantee the government would just roll with it and let me live my life?" she counters the man.

"Miss, if we had any intention of holding you captive and torturing you, I suppose we would be doing that right now. Moreover, the army has rescued you."

"I heard _the captain_ went on his own one-man mission." The colonel huffs and looks pointedly at Agent Carter for a second. But before he could reply back, Ruth continues, "Look, I just wanna know what you intend to do with me regardless of anything." Because if Ruth has any say in that, she has her own say in it.

"You will be sent home, Ruth." Agent Carter intercepts, "Since you're not a minor our responsibility concludes with just getting you on the stateside. I wish there was more we could do for you." She looks at Ruth with something akin to sympathy.

"What if there is?" She prompts both officials. "I have nothing back home. No one waiting or looking for me, and with the state the country is in right now I doubt I will have any peace walking the streets, too. And besides, the man who has tortured me is out there, trying to hurt and destroy anyone in his path to achieve his goal. I would like to enlist."

Both the colonel and the agent stare blankly at her. She catches up with what she said in the last part, "Not in the army" she corrects, "in the SSR. I know I have little to no experience and knowledge in the realm of spying, but I have also been with Hydra for over a year. Of course I don't know all their plans, but I know some of their bases and I think you could use all the help you can get." Ruth thinks she can see a spark of amusement and respect in the agent's eyes.

Colonel Phillips sighs, and Ruth can see that he is getting ready to reject her proposal, and send her packing no matter what she says.

"With all due respect, I think Ruth may have a point there. It is true we need all the help we can get. How about I take her under my command and mentorship?" Agent Carter says. Ruth feels her breath catching. Would she really do that?

The colonel doesn't even look at the agent before his shoulders drop in reluctant defeat. With a frown on his face, he mumbles something under his breath, then looks her in the eyes. "You tell me what you don't want us to know. Then I will consider it."

"Then give me your word that it will not exploited in any way."

After a brief second of considering what he is promising, "You have it."

She thought about it the whole night yesterday, if she should say everything about herself, or nothing at all. "I -- uh -- feel no pain. Physical pain, to be specific. Probably why Zola must have thought I would make an excellent candidate to tinker around with. While the others were screaming their heads off, I didn’t feel a thing." Now thinking, it was the right decision to give them half of the truth. She gotta keep some cards to herself.

An awkward silence hangs over them.

"I mean, I feel general stuff, but just not pain specifically." she tries again.

"Adding more to your explanation doesn't make it more clear." He says like she is a small child.

Well, she herself has little idea how to even begin explaining _to_ her herself. It's not like someone gave an extensive report before handing her the ability. But she doubts she can confess she knows little, even if they wouldn't exactly imprison her, they could still write her off as volatile. Maybe even send her to some hospital to be a guinea pig even if the Colonel says they won't. "I don't know how else to explain it. You can poke me with that pen or something, I wouldn't even flinch. Besides is it really that far-fetched considering you yourselves created a bundle of muscles that can lift a tank?"

“How do you know about that?”

“About what?”

“About us creating a ‘bundle of muscles’? That’s high level confidential information.”

“It was?” She plays dumb.

Peggy tugs on her jacket sleeves. Which Ruth notices the colonel watch carefully before clearing his throat. "Congratulations, agent. I will have the appropriate paperwork for you to sign by tomorrow. You may go now. Acclimate yourself to your duties and start training. Any questions, Agent Carter is your CO now. After the paperwork is done, I want your full report on what Zola was cooking up and the locations of the bases you know."

And that was the cue for Ruth to leave.   

* * *

The training starts almost immediately. Get up early, go to mess, eat something, and start on physical training. Agility, balance, flexibility, endurance; Peggy makes her do everything there is. Rebuilding her muscles after so long, it is exciting for Ruth. And since she can't feel the muscles burn, it only hastens the process. Though she’s gotta watch out for dehydration, or pulling her muscles, or receiving an injury without knowing, only to find out too late.

After three weeks Ruth can navigate fairly well on her own. Now that she is an agent, she got a new ID and a passport. Which made her feel a lot more secure in her place.

It was also very touching when Steve gave her his file, which he also gave to the other guys. What happened was Bucky after reading Steve's file, he was pissed as hell for a whole week straight. Both of them weren't saying shit so the team had grilled them about it at every chance. Steve finally let up and shared his file with them. Aside from a few mentions here and there she didn't know the whole story. And _had been_ wondering about what really happened to Steve ever since they first had that talk during the march back. Project: Rebirth really was something.

Ruth was completely amazed with Dr. Erskines' creation, combined with Starks' machine, she probably would have given whatever she had to witness it with her own two eyes. She acknowledges this is what science should used for. For good. Not for whatever Zola does. Also, no wonder Bucky was furious, Ruth thought. Especially after Kreischberg.

Peggy is meticulous with her training. Ruth is informed she can begin hand-to-hand combat training in a week if she keeps her PT steady. After which will come weapons training, along with how to carry out covert and overt operation, how to go undercover, if needed off-the-grid procedure, blending in, gathering information without being detected, decision making under pressure, survival instincts amplification. Peggy will be drilling her as much a possible in the limited time they have.

While she is training with Peggy, Steve tangles up with his shield. Just recently received, he works day and night to how to best fight with it. When they first hear Steve's plan to use the shield as both offensive and defensive seemed ridiculous and stupid. But, by each passing day everyone comes to see what an incredible weapon it really was. Steve has the Howlies to practice with it too, saying that learning to use it won't be a disadvantage. From amongst them Bucky gets good at it the most, often times Ruth sees Bucky advising Steve all the ways he can use the shield for.

The guys cheer her on if they see her running around the camp, but sometimes they make fun of her until all she wants is to just get swallowed up to the ground. But she thinks they’re helping her immensely. They don't tiptoe around her like the others and she finds that very comforting. She is starting to feel more and more like her old self.

"Again." Peggy hollers from across the field as Ruth once again falls on her ass. The last two days all Ruth has been trying to do is an one-armed handstand. She had gotten a two-armed handstand two days ago, but now no matter how hard she tries she just can't balance herself on one hand. Just when she thinks she’s got it, she tips one way or another after only five seconds. And Peggy works her all the more harder for it.

She can see the people around the camp are starting to give her sympathetic glaces, or relieved that they are not her. Morita often comes and reminds her to drink water, and tries to encourage her up a bit, but try by try she is losing hope that she will ever get this.

She once again sets her bloodied hands on the ground and lifts up her legs in the air, bringing them together. She holds the position until she is steady then takes her one hand to her back.

Oooff.

"Again."

Thump.

"Again."

Ugh.

"Again."

Oops.

"Again."

"Again."

"Again."

"Again."

Ruth can see Steve is heading in Peggy's direction, but one reprimand from her he promptly turns around and heads to whatever he was doing.

"Again."

She thanks whoever up or down there that she can't feel _any_ of it.

 

After three hours:

"I'm doing it." Ruth breathes to herself. She is doing it. She is holding herself on only one arm. "I'm doing it!" She shouts a little loudly, only to lose her balance because of the shout. But she is smiling as she looks at the night sky. Something akin to relief washing over her. That was thirty-eight seconds. By the next few tries she nails the stand. When she experiments moving her legs in various positions, she falls only twice. So far, she counts today as a win. For a second, she wonders if surfing on your hands is possible.

She stands up from her current position, held for 76 seconds, and grins at Peggy. Truth be told, Ruth was waiting for a bit of a smile, or maybe a simple 'Good job'. But, she finds Peggy looking down at the papers on her lap.

"Alright, I believe tomorrow we can move on to self-defence and offence." Peggy says coolly, looking up from her papers. "Be ready at 0500, sharp."

* * *

She is laying on her cot, she still has the singular small tent which right now she is beyond grateful for. After being dismissed by Peggy, she feels no fatigue, but emotionally she feels like she trudged through thousands of miles of desert. Though, if asked, she would say she likes that she is gaining her muscles back. It is rather concerning how malnourished her frame became. She used to have an such an active life before.

She contemplates the pros and cons of taking a quick shower. Pros: she would be clean of sweat, dust and dirt all over her body. And would not have to change the sheets in the morning. Cons: she would need to get up, walk and move; generally do more stuff.

With a deep annoyed growl she forces herself to get up, grab her wash kit and head to shower. Feeling much better after showering, she is on her way to her tent when she sees Morita cleaning his Grease Gun in front of his tent. She wonders how the hell he can even see what he is cleaning in this darkness.

"Hey."

Jim looks up, and tries a smile. "Hey, yourself, filly. Come sit." He gestures to the long bench he is sitting on.

"You sure this sweetheart of yours will ever be clean?" She sits heavily on the bench with a groan. Placing her wash kit next to her, sounds of snoring Commandos come from the tent and the rustle of trees are rather calming.

He snorts. "I'll have you know the grease is the most special part. How you doing? Seemed like Agent Carter was determined to run you to the ground."

Ruth chuckles. She finds that she enjoys Jim's dry humor. "Ah, yes. It seems like she is. I feel like I will keel over if I try to do the hellish handstand one more time."

"But you got it, in the end. You know that she worked you harder than all of us." Jim states, looking at her dead serious.

She nods. "I figured. I suppose if I die out there because of insufficient training it will cost me my life, but also loads of paperwork and such for her. Besides I can take it."

"You're a smart kid, you know that?"

Ruth snorts. "Sure. Hey, I've been meaning to ask. Why didn't you go back?" She feels like she knows the answer, but she wants to hear it.

Jim clears his throat and looks away. "Why didn't you?" He rebuffs. "It really wasn't a hard decision. Manzanar is where they relocated us. Going back would only just break my poor parent's hearts. They think me out here, even risking my life daily, is better than being in that concentration camp. A little more freedom here. And I get to send my pay to them. My little brother is out here fightin’ too, can't let him have all the fun." he says in deep thought.

"I'm sorry." Ruth says quietly.

"Where you from anyway?" He asks, turning to look at her once again.

"My mom’s a Mongolian, father Russian. Now that I think about it, I wonder why the colonel didn't ask about that. They ought to be watching out for that, don't you think?"

"Well, whether they like it or not we are the citizens of the US. Also, they can't go around treating prisoners of war like shit."

"Though still haven’t stopped them from asking you some stuff about if you had given anything up to the enemy." She says hesitantly.

"Fuckers. They tell me it was just some standard questions, but nothing about 'Where do you think your loyalty lie, Private Morita', or 'If you had sensitive information what would you do, Private', resonates a trustful tone."

"Yet, they still let you into the Howling Commandos. They gotta make up their minds about this. It's so tiring."

He smirks, "We all know how much of a stubborn mule Rogers can be, so I wasn't surprised. To boot, we are a pretty badass group."

"That- that's true." They fall into silence. She is glad that with Morita, she doesn't need to fill the silences. With the others she feels like they don't know how to appreciate or respect the quiet. Always looking to fill everything with something, instead of just letting it be. "I admire you, Jim." She starts. Prompting Jim to look her way. "Even after everything, you continue to fight for this country."

"Why did you enlist then? SSR _is_ an extension of the government." he furrows his brows at her.

Ruth stays quiet for a moment in thought.

"Revenge. It's true I want as little to do with the government as possible, but it's the fastest way to get to Zola. And I'm not suicidal enough like a certain someone to go barging in alone behind enemy lines." She knows Jim will think the revenge is for herself and maybe what the war brought on her home. That is _one_ of the reasons.

He closes his eyes and rubs them. "I hope you know what you're doing, filly. Don't know about you but I don't wanna see you go croak."

She closes her eyes and breathes. "Me neither, Jimmy. Me neither."

"I'm not fighting for them. I mean the good ol military or the government. Okay, maybe a little. But the faster we finish this shitshow, the faster all the crap back at home will end, you know."

Ruth shakes her head. "Bunch of cock measuring contest if you ask me." That draws a loud laugh out of Jim.

"Okay, now that we all laughed and hugged can we go to sleep now?" The very much awake voice of Dum Dum comes from the tent.

It is now that she realizes the sound of snoring is no longer there. She guesses they have probably heard a good portion of the conversation.

"You're a creep, Dum Dum." She throws back at him. "Goodnight, boys!" with that she walks back to her tent, shoulders a little bit lighter.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning at 0500 sharp, Ruth comes face-to-face with Peggy right outside her tent. She can hear Big Voice announcing one thing or another. It is a little unsettling, but in no way is her presence unwelcome. Instead of her signature pencil skirt and blouse Peggy has donned a soft looking white shirt and high-seated green trousers, tightened with a belt outside the shirt. Ruth wonders _'How does she always manage to look like she can take down a tank?'_

"Good, you're right on time. Tuck your shirt in." Without any preamble she sharply turns, Ruth scrambles with her shirt and stumbles after Peggy in the direction of practice grounds. All the grass is long gone from constantly being stomped on.

"We will start with self-defence and move on to the offence. The most important thing you must know and remember at all times is to be efficient. Because you do not have the advantage of frame and height, you must use everything to your advantage. Every single thing around you can be used as a weapon if you just think quick enough. If you fight someone bigger and taller then you will probably end up being quicker than them, and use their momentum against them. But in cases where your opponent is exactly the same as you, use tricks and be attentive, think outside the box. Every agent must know not only weapons but shift their bodies and identities in all sorts of forms that the mission requires you and your body to be."

And this is how it starts. This is her beginning. From now on she will write her own story. No longer she will be someone's puppet to be sequestered to their will. If she got to use others to achieve that, then so be it. She will never become just a spectator to her own life.

Peggy continues, "I was once you. Overwhelmed with my choices, second guessing myself. Why have I decided to do this to myself? I could have had a good life with someone special." Ruth now looks at the agent, doubting the agent could ever have had a doubt about anything in her life; let alone herself. "Become a wife and a mother." She says with a wistful smile.

Oh.

It is hard for Ruth to think of Peggy doing anything other than being a fearsome agent. But, now she realizes how naive it was of her to think of Peggy Carter so one-dimensionally. "But Ruth I see the fire inside you. You may not recognize it, but I see it. It is the same drive that my brother used to say I have. I believed him. And it was hard. It was downright agonizing. There were many times I wanted to give up and go home, if it weren't for him, I might have. And now, I thank my brother everyday for encouraging me. So, Ruth, yes, I am going to push you. To your limits and beyond. Because, frankly, we can not afford any mistakes or stumbles. It is simply unacceptable." After a moment she continues, "I would like to be what my brother was to me, for you. He was my pillar, my one and only supporter. But Ruth you will have many supports, not just me. Also, I don't want to be the only one pushing. If I push, you will have to, too."

Ruth nods, trying to convey that she understands, that she knows she can't fail Peggy, but most of all she can't fail herself.

"Then let's start."

 

* * *

 

*a month into the training*

 

"Barnes, you can't do that!"

"Says who?"

"It's impossible. I am betting on my dinner cigarettes that you can't do it."

Bucky snorts, "You always give me your cigs, anyway." Though, he still looks out his scope and breathes in, waits exactly four seconds before pulling the trigger. It hits the mark exactly where he says he would.

"Pfftt, okay fine. And for the record, what the absolute fuck. How the fuck do you have such inhuman sight. I can't see shit." Ruth says, looking out of her own scope. Trying to even pinpoint the mark the bastard had hit with no problem.

"It's the serum."

"Huh?" she looks at the sergeant.

"Zola. He did something to me." he says the name with a sour look on his face.

" … What do you mean?" she asks hesitantly. Half-expecting the answer already. They haven't talked about what happened in Austria after that one talk. She really didn't think he was ever going to bring it up again.

"I don't know. All I know is that suddenly I can see much better than I could before. Steve also says he can see what I see, too, but then that's not surprising. And I don't get fatigued as much. Few nights of no sleep? Walk in the park."

At this point Ruth is staring at Bucky. "Do you heal faster, too?"

His entire body pauses, "You too?"

Glaring without direction, she looks away, "Yeah. But I don't have that good sight, though. Well, maybe it works individually differently."

"Maybe." he shrugs.

"Did you tell Steve at all?"

He shakes his head. "No, and it better stay that way." He looks at her pointedly.

Ruth sighs, "The things I do for you, Bucky bear. But aren't you worried? At first, it was straight up killing anyone who got injected. There were some that held out longer, but eventually everyone folded. If I'm not wrong, he's really close to completing the serum. Both serums, Buck. The brain and the enhancement."

"Well, we can't go with this to the military. They'll want to dissect us, and I would sooner gut myself than go to any of the doctors."

"Jesus. I'm not saying we go to the Army with this. Besides I told them half of it, remember?”

“Which was a dumbass thing to do.”

“Whatever. But I really think you should tell at least your other half."

He puffs, "Yes, mother." he says sarcastically, in a high tone.

Ruth rolls her eyes at the childish display, "I doubt Steve would be very appreciative towards you if he found you are withholding something from him. Like you went on that pissed tirade when you found out about _his_ serum." she continues to make her point, training long forgotten.

"Fucking hate it when you're right."

She beams with satisfaction, "But what else?"

"I'm always hungry. Honestly, this army ration isn’t doin’ shit. I don’t know how Steve never complains."

"Umm… he does? All the time?"

Bucky shakes his head, "No, he never peeps about not having enough food."

"You do know, he always prowls around camp looking for more food? He probably would steal from people's plates if he were a different man."

"You're sure?"

"Scouts' honor." she even puts up the salute.

He snorts derisively, "Like you were ever in the scouts. But, okay, I'll take care of it."

"Do not even think of giving your food to him." When he looks affronted, she says, "We need you. Both of you, if not in top, in good condition to kick asses. Can't have either of you dropping in the middle of full blown battle because you were _hungry_."

"You know I'm older than you. Shut up."

 

*two months into the training*

 

"Did Bucky tell you anything?" Steve asks while dodging Ruth's kick.  

"Like what?" blocking Steve's elbow that was aimed at her sternum.

"Like stuff about Kreischberg." grabbing her arm and flipping her on her back.

"What did he say?" she says looking up at Steve.

Without letting go of her arm he pulls her back to her feet. "That's the thing. He's saying nothin'." his whole demeanor sad and defeated. Ruth realizes it really doesn't suit him. And to bring this in him, Bucky honestly holds a lot of power over Steven Rogers. Doubtlessly vice versa.

Moving forward again, using his distraction she swipes his legs from under him, with a surprised grunt he falls on his back. She expected him to spring back immediately, but he doesn't. Swiping some sweat off her forehead, she calmly kneels above his head to peer down at his pretty blues, "He hasn't said much, but he'll talk when he's ready, Steve."

"So he did talk to you?" roles now reversed he gazes up at her.

"A little, yes." she concedes dubiously.

Making a frustrated sound he sits up and spins around to face her. "I don't know why he won't talk to me. I first tried to ask gently, couple damn times, when that didn't work I tried the silently begging with my eyes, which mind you didn't work either. It always works. I'm fucking going out of my mind trying to get him to talk to me. He even talked to you! But not me. I don't know why he is clamping down this much." Ruth doesn't want to think it. No. No. Oh no. Captain America is a whiner! Captain America is whining about his fella.

Barely managing to stop her eye-roll, "It was only once, Steve. We didn't talk about our feelings, if that's what you're thinking. It was just confirming … some stuff." she attempts to clarify that Bucky wasn't cheating on him conversation-wise.

"Low blow, Rogers." a voice comes from their left side, once again making Ruth jerk in surprise.

"Fuck, man, stop doing that." she yelps out to Bucky, who suddenly appeared a few feet away from them.

"You knew I was watching." Bucky says, entirely focusing on Steve.

"Kinda hard not to hear your loud and obnoxious breathing." Steve squints at his other half.

Well, if Ruth can feel something major about to happen and doesn't run away she only has her cursed curiosity to blame.

But Bucky turns around, no doubt about to leave.

In panic, Steve bellows out, "Stop leaving me!" standing up and taking a few steps towards the brunette. The outburst making Bucky spin back around, "Fuck, Buck, just please don't leave me."

"I'm -- I'm not _leaving_ you."

"It feels like you are. I'm trying my best here. But it just falls flat every-time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here. Every day I wake up I feel like I'm being left behind. Is it … is it because of this body? Do you not love me anymore? Am I too -"

Eyes widening Bucky rushes forward to cup Steve's face, wiping the fallen tears with his thumbs, shaking his head, "No no no. No, doll. Never. You don't ever gotta question my feelings for you. I'm a dumbass for making you think that. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Then just tell me." The sergeant falters. Steve shuts his eyes and slaps away his hands. Taking a few steps backwards, turns his back to Bucky.

Bucky closes his eyes, and steels himself for what he's going to say next, "It's not me who is pulling away, Steve."

The captain jerks back to face the other man with shock clear as day on his face, raises his brows, "Me?" slightly pointing at himself.

With furrowed brows, Bucky fully faces the blonde, "It's not me who started keeping things to himself. It's not me who deliberately let some crazy man do experiments on him and told me nothing about it before strolling behind an enemy line like it was a walk in the fucking park." Bucky points at the captain, voice getting louder by every word. His eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"So what? You're punishing me? You're getting your rock off in the knowledge you're hurting me?" both arms open wide.

"What - no!"

"Yes, you so totally are. I can't believe this. And here I thought - "

"Fucking don't. I don't need your righteous fucking fury, Rogers."

"And don't you fucking interrupt me when I'm talking."

That shuts the sergeant up, expression transforming to passive blankness, "Okay then, you have the podium. As usual." Hands on his hips.

"As usual… " the blonde chuckles humorlessly, "Do you even fucking need me anymore?" he asks suddenly, voice cracking, looking at Bucky with something unexplainable in his eyes. But Bucky is looking down and doesn't see it.

"What are you on about. Of course I fucking need you." Bucky answers, voice a little strained too. Only now he looks up, eyes hard, "Do _you_ ? 'Cuz you seem to need _Agent Carter_ more than me."

Ruth was right, Bucky was definitely more jealous than he let on.

Captain slightly shakes his head, like he is not sure what Bucky is even talking about, "Peggy is just a friend."

"Peggy." he repeats the name with a sour look, like he swallowed a lemon.

Squinting his eyes, "Is that it? You're jealous about Peggy?" Steve snorts, "What, it's the first time a dame gave me more than a side glance and your precious ego can't handle it?"

"I don't fucking share what's mine." Bucky basically snarls in Steve's face.

"And it's not _being_ shared," Steve steps up to Bucky's face too, "What even gives you the right to be jealous at me anyway. I used to be just _dandy_ when you went out with all those skirts and came back reeking of them, remember?" At that Bucky's expression literally shatters. His whole body loses its' coiled stance from earlier, and he just stares at Steve, mouth a little open.  "Oh, did I hit a sore spot? How fucking selfish, am I, huh?" Steve continues, eyes burning with hidden rage and hurt.

Bucky pulls himself out of the temporary trance, guilt oozing out of him, "Stevie -- I,"

" _Now_ I'm a Stevie?"

"But you know I had to."

"Did you? Really?"

"Yes, it was that or death, you know that. Two fellas living in a one bedroom apartment?"

Steve lets out a breath and looks down for a few moments before nodding, "I know, but still doesn't mean it didn't hurt when some other gal is out with _my_ fella when I couldn't."

"Fuck, baby, I'm so sorry. You said nothin'." Bucky's hands linger, not daring to touch, but still trying to catch Steve's eyes, his head dances around there a bit.

The blonde looks up, "I used to fucking hate it, whenever you started getting ready to go out. I always declined, too, 'cuz I couldn't watch you with someone else."

Cursing under his breath, hands around his shoulders, Bucky clutches Steve to his chest, one hand buried in blonde locks. Steve's hands automatically goes around Bucky's middle. Once again molded together, they look whole like this. Like yin-yang. "It was always you, punk. The whole time, every time I was thinking about you." he whispers into Steve's left ear. Then pulls away to look him in the eyes, "I never went far with any of em, doll. I've only ever had a taste of you. No one else." He emphasizes his words with a shake of his head.

Both of their faces now streaked with tears, eyes shining with so much love, Steve kisses the brunette with all that he has. "I'm sorry too. Peggy, she really is just a friend." he says once they part.

"I know, dollface, I know. Now that everyone is seeing what I've been seeing this whole time, I just want your punk ass all to myself." the customary smirk back in place.

Face morphing back to its' earlier sadness and determination, "Buck, you gotta tell me what happened to you, please. I can't just turn around and pretend it never happened. Or just promise you'll talk to me when you're ready."

Bucky nods in understanding. It was stupid of him to ever think he could convince Steve to drop or avoid it forever. This is what makes Steve, Steve. He just cares, and when he loves he would never let you suffer alone. If you tell him to wait, he will. Without question. Now months of thinking that Steve would leave Bucky once he learns what a mess Bucky really is, and more so had become during the war and under Zola, seems silly. And in the meantime this is what he has been doing to Steve so far.

"How about we both tell each other everything we haven't been telling?"

Understanding dawns on Steve, too. He hasn't told one peep about the possible receivement of the serum in the months he had been training, and even after he got it. Steve feels guilty, too, recalling all the times they've sent letters back and forth. All the chances he could have mentioned it.

They have both been keeping things from each other. Especially more so in the last year and a half they've been apart. But it was never because of malicious intent.

Ruth clears her throat, "So, can we go back to my training now?"

 

*three months into the training*

 

Something has been prickling at the back of her mind all day today. She feels like she is forgetting something, just don't know what.

Monty, Gabe, Bucky and Morita are with her and explaining all the weapons the Army has and how it works.

"What's with that face?" Gabe asks when it looks like Ruth is not paying as much attention as she should.

Putting down the grenade launcher she was studying, "I feel like I'm forgetting something." she says face still scrunched up in far thought.

"What? Did you forget to put on your thinking pants?"

“You’re a thinking pants.” She mumbles back. “I swear to god if I don’t-” she suddenly stops mid-sentence. Then slaps her forehead so hard it makes a smack sound. “Oh. My. God. It’s my birthday.” Looking at the other four, with clear shock and surprise on her face she gasps out again, “Today’s my birthday! I forgot. I had completely forgotten.”

"Well, happy birthday! How old are you now? Ten?" Monty remarks like a wisecracking asshole he is.

"Fuck you, I'm nineteen now."Bucky's eyebrows were raising higher and higher, and now he just laughs out loud, with Gabe quietly joining in shaking his head.

Morita just pats on her back with an utmost understanding, "It happens."

"We should go celebrate." Monty offers.

"Yeah we should. Let's go to Le Combre. Steve will buy us drinks." Bucky says, smile still in place. "You know one time my sister forgot hers. But it was understandable, too, 'cuz she was busy with school and work, and little Lizzy. And when I got her, her favorite chocolate cake, she first looked at me like I was crazy for spending so much money on something so trivial, then she lit up with joy when I explained. Then Steve and the three of us went to the pictures, it was her best birthday, so maybe this will be yours too."

Ruth didn't know the sergeant had sisters, which is kind of surprising. Not that he have them, just that he rarely talks about his family. For him to volunteer the information willingly is really unprecedented. Perhaps, it means he trusts her.

At that moment Stark walks up to them with Steve in tow, no doubt he just chattered Steve's ears off. "I present to you sirs and madam, the new addition the Army has just signed off on." he opens a fancy looking box and in it sits a beautiful glock, painted in all sleek black. "These beauties has power none of the other glocks or handguns had ever before. Has twenty-seven rounds in each one. But both of them has different power level. The one that looks regular enough has the power of a shotgun, while the one with bigger grip has the power of a small grenade." It is honestly the most impressive and beautiful gun Ruth had ever seen.

"Can I try it?" she asks Stark, but he looks at her hesitantly.

"Give it to her, it's her birthday." Morita fires at Stark, looking at him with hard eyes, as if to say Stark better hand it over real quick. Steve perks up beside Bucky and peers at Ruth, then glances at Bucky to confirm, who bobs his head subtly.

With an exasperated sigh, Howard extends the open box toward the girl. "Fine, fine, jeez, no need to go all murdery, it's just a glock."

"A pretty swell one." Ruth picks both of them up from the box, and it feels good in her hands. Not too big, or not too small. The bigger one is definitely heavier than the other one. She turns to the target a few meters away, and shoots a bulls-eye once, twice, thrice with both glocks.

After hours of perusing through the weapons to find one she is comfortable with, this is what suits her the most. She feels safe using these, "I want these."

"Yeah, why not just take away my prototype, it's totally fine, it's not like I collect my prototypes but it should be fine, just get a signature from Carter." Stark says with a wave of his hand.

"Alright then, everything is settled, now let's go celebrate." Monty rallies everyone to the pub.

 

*four months into the training*

 

"So, this the motherboard?"

Blowing out a breath, "No, that's the processor."

"Uh-huh. And this is the drive?" She asks for about the hundredth time from Stark. She knows she is being annoying as hell right now but it’s fun to see Stark squirm and get fed up with her also at the same time unable to reject her because he received specific instructions from Peggy to teach all the basics about technology to Ruth in as little time as possible.

In truth she had already memorized everything there is to know about this computer thing, how it works, and how to crack it. They’ve been at it for five days now, and Ruth can see Stark is at the end of his wits as how to teach anything to her.

Ruth concedes despite his running mouth Stark is a very good teacher, she honestly didn’t think he would so patient and understanding of her but he has been, even with Peggy’s instruction he wanted Ruth to set the pace of the training.

A brief thought to let up her facade entered her mind but just as fast it flies out of her brain.

“No that’s motherboard.” He sighs out for the hundredth time also.

“Dude stop yanking his chain. He’s gonna have a bald spot at this point.” Bucky says lazily from where he is perched a few tables away from them, sifting through Stark’s various inventions.

Bucky’s been with them for almost all of their lessons, he said to Ruth it calms him to look at some things and just try to figure out how it works. Steve also mentioned one time Bucky has real interest and knack for technology and inventions, and got dragged to see the Stark Expo when it finally happened in New York.

“Am not!” She raises her voice to be heard better.

“Am too!” Comes a shout right back.

Leaning on the table with his elbows and rubbing his eyes Stark speaks quietly, “Please tell me you haven’t been playing stupid with me because that seriously would be so horrendous of you to do that to me, who is actually a glorious angel that is trying to help your stupid brain to understand a sliver of knowledge, and possibly not get killed by a very attractive and very scary agent named Margaret Elizabeth Carter.”

Before Ruth can say anything Howard continues, “Whom I actually heard killed a man with her heels, and a flip of her hair brings down battalions in her wake, and a fist so hard and strong that even Captain America won’t be able to overpower her.”

Ruth and Bucky are both staring at Stark and when Ruth knows for sure he is not going to say anymore, “Holy shit that was very poetic and true, wow Howie you’ve been holding out on me. And - uhh - yes, sorry, it was just so much fun to watch you try not to lose your shit.”

Stark silently glares at her, and the silence disturbs her more than the glare, before he pushes himself away from the table and goes over to another one, and grabs another one of his inventions before turning to her, “Well that was a shitty thing to do. I understand you got everything I’ve been preaching the last few horrible days?”

She nods. “Yes. Everything.”

“Thank god, this is a ray that creates frost at a degree of -60 fahrenheit...”

After that Stark don’t wait for her to catch up, he simply goes over and teaches, thankfully Ruth was able to keep pace for the most part. The parts she wasn’t able to get? Well, she’ll figure it out. Somehow.

"You like that outfit, don't you?" Howard asks one day, she is inspecting his latest bomb he is creating. "I've only just started it. Going to call it Nitramene when it's finished." He explained when she first saw it. The thing is terrifyingly powerful, could wipe out a hole town in single go.

"My outfit… Yeah guess so. It's comfortable." Looking down at the outfit she has assembled through sheer talent of scraping through findings here and there. Her black jacket have buttons that run down in the middle, a simple black loose trousers with black boots. It's plain and painless to blend in the darkness.

"Want me to make your jacket bulletproof?" he asks from where he is testing out the Hydra gun.

Spinning around to face Stark, "Bulletproof vests are deeply uncomfortable and hard to move around in."

He snorts, "You think I will create something so archaic? Mine will be molded in the inside of your clothing, you won't even feel it's there."

"If you have something like that, why aren't you selling it to the military? It could save a lot of lives and shift the tide of the war." she reasons.

"The military wasn't interested." He says crisply, before he turning his attention to the little blue glowing thing he got behind a protective glass, picking it up carefully with a mental handle he is navigating from distance. "Emission signature is unusual." he comments to the scientist next to him, "Alpha and beta ray neutral. Though, I doubt Rogers picked up on that." signature smirk still in place. "Seems harmless enough. Hard to see what all the fuss is about." He shoots a bit of electricity, activating whatever it's capable of. The thing blows up, sending Ruth, Stark and anyone who was close to it through the air. Ruth hears Stark croak out, "Write that down."

 

*five months into the training*

 

Ruth: "Steve come on. Stop it."

Steve: "Stop what. I'm not lying."

Ruth: "Yes, you are. It was probably Monty."

Monty: "Now now, there is no need for that."

Dum Dum: "I for a fact know it was Morita who killed the dove."

Morita: "ME???? That's rich coming from you, considering you literally just beat a squirrel to its death last week!"

Dum Dum: "That was not a squirrel."

Ruth: "Who even beats a squirrel to death?"

Dum Dum: "Was NOT a squirrel."

Morita: "Yes, it was. We.All.Looked.At.It"

Gabe: "We are all reasonable adults here."

Bucky: "What _reasonable_ adults. I see no Carter or Phillips. Do any of you?"

Steve: "We're all adults, Buck."

Ruth: "Pfftt, you think your Bucky bear is an adult?"

Bucky: "You know, I am more adultier than you."

Ruth: "Sure."

Gabe: "People focus."

Morita: "No, you focus, here is a dead dove impaled to death on our map."

Ruth: "Why did you even beat the squirrel anyway?"

Monty: "And how is there a dove in this region?"

Dum Dum: "It was too squirrelly."

Bucky: "You've been awfully quiet, Dernier."

Dernier: "Tais-toi, Barnes."

Steve: "Look, I did this ok."

Dum Dum, Gabe, Ruth, Bucky, Dernier, Monty, Morita: "No, You didn't!"

*Steve did it. Upon losing a bet Steve Rogers was dared to do this bizarre prank by soldiers from another platoon after a wild night of drinking.*

 

*Six months later*

 

The last few months had been an absolute clusterfuck to say the least. The Howlies along with other soldiers from whatever regimen is closest, wreaked havoc all over Hydra. Ruth is still in training, therefore she has only tagged along for gathering intel after the battle is long over and done with. But if she sneaked in a few times here and there no one mentioned anything to the higher ups. Everytime they tried to get hold of anyone with important information the fuckers would swallow the cyanide pill in their tooth. A stroke of luck had finally hit them when she managed to capture one Hydra agent that was not fast enough or wasn't much eager to die. Both options were fine by them.

Ruth was waiting for the Howlies to meet her at the rendezvous. She obviously arrived way earlier than them. Good thing she didn't mind waiting. She settles down near a tree trunk to check and clean her glocks one more time. That one time the damn thing jammed was not the most memorable moment and not one she wanted to relive.

Right then she hears a rumble of an engine. Looking up she expected to see the familiar army truck they use, but instead she sees a single black Hydra truck. Said vehicle was making its way south.

Next thing she knows she is aiming at the truck's one front tire, and the back one, for it will derail it way quicker. The shots hit home. The vehicle starts to swerve left and right, and hits a nearby tree. Smoke billows out of its hood as one Hydra agent staggers out. Ruth starts to run to reach the agent, but the agent sees her in time to start running in the other direction.

The chase is brutal between the forest. It took everything in Ruth not to falter and just shoot the damn fuck. Even if she can’t feel the ache in her legs, it is still a testament of her patience; how long she can keep herself from not pulling the trigger. For whatever reason, Peggy is the only person she is thanking endlessly right now. If Peggy hadn't been so hard on her to learn how to run on all types of terrain during PT, she probably would be tripping over her feet every few seconds. The Hydra agent is a slippery little fucker too.

But at last, he starts to slow down and in a split second she surges forward and grabs him by his feet. They both slam hard on the ground. The agent tries to squirm away by kicking his legs, lashing out in panic instead of using the skills Ruth is sure every Hydra agent possesses.

She rolls away from his kicks. When he tries to scramble back to his feet, she swipes his legs, again. Before he gets his bearings, she straddles him, entrapping his arms beneath her legs. She grabs him by the chin and sticks her hand into his mouth. Feeling around, she finds the pill that protrudes a little farther than the other teeth. The moment the pills falls into between her fingers she throws it far away into whatever direction. All the while the struggling doesn't stop for a second. Not letting go of his chin she brings his face real close to hers and utters the next words with a growl in her voice.

"If you want to live, you will stay still." More than the threat, it is the eyes that makes the Hydra agent go still. The look translates the pure lividness and unspeakable violence the girl is capable of.

Ruth flips him on his belly, handcuffs his hands, and ties his legs too. Only when those are done does she stand up and give herself a chance to breathe and collect her thoughts.

The other agent lays still throughout it all. But then there can be heard little whispers and whimpers.

"Please please please don't kill me please I did not want to do this,” a sob escapes him, “he made me, he would have killed me. All of us if we didn't do what he said. Please I had no choice please."

Ruth hears it all in silence. Waiting. Eventually he falls quiet too.

"I don't care if you haven't had any choice. It was still you who did all this unspeakable shit." Fisting his hair in her hand, this is what Ruth whispers darkly back into his ear. Mind supplying the long suffering days she was forced to. He whimpers and sobs into the ground.

Not having any sympathy whatsoever for what this Hydra agent is going through, she drags him to lean him against the tree bark. Tears and snot adorns his face all over. The fear is plain as day. Ruth blithely thinks this is definitely new. No other Hydra agent has ever cried and begged. All of them always just crushed the pill in their mouth.

Squatting low in front of him she looks him in the eyes.

"I will give you 37 seconds to start talking where all your bases are before I start doing things you probably won't like."

"I-I don't know anything. I just do whatever they tell me to do. I have nothing of value." He says with a heavy german accent through all the nastiness going on his face.

"You have 21 seconds." She says calmly, taking out her knife from its sheath.

The Hydra agent eyes the knife warily, and shakes his head. "I really don't know. I have only ever been in one base. But that site was abandoned long ago."

“And that is where?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I'm just gonna put some timeline here, maybe it'll help you make sense of stuff gibberish I wrote there a little better?
> 
> 1941 December 7: Bombing at Pearl Harbor  
> 1942 June: Ruth got kidnapped  
> 1943 Nov 3: The liberation of 107th and Ruth in Kreischberg (I know the fandom knows it most by Azzano, Italy. But Bucky and 107th were captured in Azzano then got moved to Kreischberg, Austria; which was a fact I found out only recently.)  
> 1943 Nov 7 - 1944 April: Ruth's training for 5 months. Here is Ruth's 19th birthday on January 16th of 1943. The Howling Commandos are still invading and destroying Hydra.  
> 1944 April: Ruth got the info of Hydra bases.  
> 1944 May: Austria  
> 1944 July: Czechia  
> 1944 October: Nowogard, Poland  
> 1944 November: Wroclaw, Poland  
> 1945 January: Germany.  
> 1945 January 16th: Ruth turns 20.  
> 1945 February 14: Switzerland, Bucky's fall.  
> 1945 March 10: The Valkyrie mission.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to not Hide Creator's Style. Thank you.

"Ruth, report."

"Heading to the east building."

"Take only essentials."

"Aye, Captain."

It was a stealth mission. A bit of a challenge at that too. Everyone knows the Commandos are too good at going in hard and fast, blowing everything up. But this one needs to be handled without triggering anything, especially to Schmidt.

Donning the Hydra soldier's clothes and an empty suitcase, Ruth efficiently makes her way to the building without being detected. She is not that short so she blends in without too much trouble. And the helmet helps by covering her face. The base wasn't as abandoned as the Hydra agent told her. Though not much, there are still a handful of guards and a few scientists all over the site. Whatever happened, it is forcing the workers to abandon this site one by one. As she is getting whatever intel she can find, the Commandos are in similar clothing and are planting explosives all over the buildings.

Putting in the pass-code, one of the informants has provided after carefully infiltrating the base, she takes the stairs down. And it is just her luck that she comes face-to-face with another guard, who starts talking to her in German. So she says the only word in German she knows.

"Ja."

The guard goes eerily quiet and starts to move his hands to his gun. Ruth grabs his hand in a flip second and throws him on his back over her shoulder. She takes her gun from the holster and butts him hard in the head.

She checks her surroundings, and drags the body out of sight into one of the empty rooms nearby.

Grabbing her suitcase from the floor where she flung it earlier, she continues to her destination and gets there in no time. Cabinets full of files litter the room, but she only needs the important ones with the locations of the Hydra bases. To sift through everything would take forever. Luckily, there is a table full of papers and blueprints in one corner that is secluded from everything else.

Hurriedly, she marches there. Blueprints of weapons Schmidt was manufacturing in Kreischberg, and something named Exo-Skeleton are lying around. She grabs both of them. In the first and second drawer, nothing interesting pops up. But the third one is locked. A little nudge with her pocket knife does the trick.

Jackpot. Folders dedicated to six names are neatly categorized. Gotta appreciate neat-freaks of this world. Hydra or not.

She stashes all of them into the suitcase and moves to the door.

"Guys, I'll be out in four."

The way out results in minimal hassle.

"I'm out. Meet you at the rendezvous."

She hurries along, and just arrives when the others burst from the trees from the direction of the site. Ruth nods at the captain and they all scramble for the truck. Just as they are en route to the camp, explosions sound and shake the forest with fire and noise. They ride off, with Dernier's excited giddiness fading in the background.

They arrive at the camp under four hours. That was expected because it was Monty driving. He always drives like the devil himself is on his tail. Every. Goddamn. Time. Promptly, they all file into the strategy room where Carter, Phillips, and Stark are already waiting.

Surveying the files in rapid speed, turns out the folders are all they needed to find most of Hydra's weapons bases. It really was a jackpot. Two bases in Poland, and the rest are in Greece, Czechia, Switzerland and Germany. They all cheer a little around the room. It was due time for some miracles. And now they need only to obliterate them all to high heaven and seven hells. Although, it needs to be hard and fast.

"Well, don't know about you boys but I think this calls for a celebration." pushing himself off of the table, Dum Dum's burly voice rings out.

"Is there a day that goes by where you don't think about drinking, Dugan?" Bucky, sitting next to the captain, asks Dum Dum with a tilt of his head.

"Barnes, you and me are two tires of the same car. Acting like a princess doesn't suit your ugly ass." he says like a man delivering god's sermon.

Bucky snorts derisively, “My ugly ass is still prettier than your orange mug.” the crowd around the table erupts in laughter. Just as Dum Dum was obviously gearing up to deliver a mean retort, Peggy interrupts him.

"You boys go celebrate for tonight, but tomorrow we are discussing battle plans and will start figuring out which one of these are the main base." Peggy commands the whole room. She continues. "And Ruth it is thanks to you we have this information." The senior agent smiles warmly. If Ruth blushes like a virgin maiden no-one peeps about it. Ruth also notices all of the Commandos, including several other agent, even Phillips, are nodding.

"Hell yeah it was. And the captain is buying you the whole bar tonight." Dugan says matter-o-factly, looking at Steve expectantly.

Sighing, poor Steve nods, looking down at his lap. Probably wondering when in the hell he became the booze-payer in the group.

Bucky rubs his back consolingly.

Phillips gets up from his chair at the head of the table, "Ayur, come see me before turning in." He orders before getting out of the underground bunker and heading to his room.

She watches him the entire way, before she sighing out, "If I don't return please try to find my body." she half jokes.

Monty snorts and calls out dismissively, "Phillips loves you and we all know it."

Knocking on the door, she lets herself in. In the last few months she had grown used to going in and out the colonel's bunker office. When he inclines for her to sit on the chair in front of him, she does just that with a stiff back. She has couple ideas what Phillips could want with her.

"First of all, good job, Ruth. This is a good lead, one we've been waiting for." He assures her, looking her in the eyes.

"Thank you, sir."

"It is of no question the little group the Captain has assembled and all our agents and soldiers will be dispatched to these locations. But I need someone of my own to keep an extra pair of eyes in the coming operations."

"Someone of your own?" Ruth repeats his words.

"Yes, I want you to accompany the Captain and his group as an agent of the SSR. You would be my eyes and ears."

Ah. "And you want me to do what exactly, sir?"

"I want an unfiltered report from you concerning all operations and goings."

"Sir, do you not trust the Captain?"

"I do, but he and I have our differences in opinions sometimes." He tries to explain. Though, that raises even more questions.

"With all due respect, sir, you think we won't?" She asks back. Ruth doesn't know why the Colonel is even asking her. Sure, she's been spending a good amount of her time with the colonel, and they've been training her like their adopted little spy.

Ruth knows when it comes to Steve, even though he is a reasonable person with a logical argument to back up his every decision, he is still a wild card nonetheless. But Ruth?

"Would we?" He asks looking pointedly at Ruth.

She is just a rookie agent. Someone that will not oppose Phillips like Steve and his Howlies usually do. But at the same time, she spends a good amount of her time with them, so her presence next to them will not questioned. Smart bastard.

"No, Colonel. Understood."

Satisfaction written all over his face, Ruth now realizes that she is not even surprised at this order. Yes, this is an order, even if in fashion looks like a question.

She is glad she haven't let her guard down for even a moment with Phillips so far. Ruth knows better when it comes to males in power. Especially, from a founder and director of a spy network that hides itself within the Military.

"Report to me after every mission. And watch your back, Agent Six."

Oh, watch she will.

Making her way to the pub the team usually frequents, she thinks about the meeting once more. No doubt, she can do what Phillips wants, can snitch out the team on every turn. She knows the colonel and Rogers often have different takes and decisions in carrying out the operations. The team sometimes uses unorthodox methods in order to complete the missions. Most of it doesn't even get included in the reports later on. And that's how the Commandos are the most effective team the military has seen in its history. No wonder Phillips wants an insider in the operations of a team that is so tight knit like them. However, she would score some favors from Phillips. But she knows the colonel already ran out of use for her long ago.

What would be the outcome of Ruth reporting, anyway? What could go wrong? They are all on the same side, aren't they? Though, deep down she knows Phillips or any of the commanding officers meddling too much in the operations will not bode well.

Also, she will not be ordered around like a rag-doll. Not anymore. Especially when the other party is in the opinion they can yank her in whichever way they want, just because she looks like she doesn't know better. More importantly, without meaning to she has bonded with the team on a much deeper level than she wanted in the first place. Their trust has come to be important in her equation.

Decision made up, she pushes open the doors to the pub and gets welcomed with warm reception and hugs all around, disposing herself in middle of Bucky who is not showing any sign of having drank the nine glasses of beer in front of him, and Gabe whom by the looks of it well on his way to pass out on Frenchie.

"What did he want?" Bucky asks.

She slightly shakes her head, "Nothing important." she replies with a tight smile, pointedly not avoiding his gaze. The sergeant didn't buy it for a second and they both knew it, but still he doesn't ask anymore questions, simply hands her a tall glass brimming with beer.

Looking around, who knew these idiots truly would have become her makeshift little family. Taking a sip from the glass, she almost chokes it back out when Gabe puts his arm over over her shoulder, leaning heavily on her, starts to sing loudly right next to her ears,

"There is a tavern in the town, in the town

And there my dear love sits him down, sits him down."

"And drinks his wine as merry as can be" joins Dum Dum's burly ringing voice.

Soon the whole pub joins in.

"And never, never thinks of me

Fare thee well, for I must leave thee

Do not let the pairing grieve thee

And remember that the best of friends must part, must part."

 

* * *

 

The first one they hit is another weapons base in Austria. Going back to that place Ruth can see everyone's a little rough around the edges. They try to distract themselves the whole way there.

The night before they attack the site, they sit around a small circle, just finished sharing what little food and drink they have.

“Remember the fucker Lohmer?” Says Morita out of the blue. The atmosphere grows even more somber between the men. Ruth and Steve look to each other and around questioningly, sensing that the other guys are sharing something they were obviously not apart of.

Though Bucky seems to especially adorn a stone-like face. “I told you then, and I’m telling you now again. I was fine. You guys completely overdid it.”

“Sarge, it wasn't only you who hated the shit. So really we used you as an excuse to do what we all wanted from the first time we saw the fucker.” Replies Morita back.

“Language. Here is a child present.” Gabe admonishes with a smirk Ruth’s way.  

Ruth kindly flips him off. Then, turning to the others, “What happened? Who’s the fucker?”

“We craned the motherfucker.” Morita supplies helpfully.

“Thank you, that explains so much. Truly.”

Clearing his throat Monty gets their attention to himself and starts talking. “Once upon a time there was a horrible Hydra villain who was pretty keen on keeping the poor american soldiers as miserable as possible.” Monty starts like a legit bedtime story. And they all either stare up at the parts of the sky they can see in between trees or close their eyes, and simply listen to Monty. “First, the said villain gathers soldiers from different battalions and keeps them in the same cell. Thinking, that way the laborers at that point, will be so busy fighting each other that they will not have time to defy the villain. And it works too. Then, he works and treats them like the bloody machines they were making. So it was no wonder everyone hated this villain. One day, our very own Princess James's pneumonia that Gabe Jones was treating as well as he able, becomes so bad he couldn’t get up. The villain then beats him bloody for not being able to work through goddamn pneumonia.” Ruth hears Steve inhale and sees him shift around in his place like he is sitting on uncomfortable ground, “So, the barking and fighting cellmates band together to come to Princess James's rescue. The honorable Monty Falsworth devised a plan to drop a huge box that hangs from a crane on top of the villain. Mighty Timothy Dugan, healer Gabe Jones, planner Monty Falsworth, steal a component for wizard Jacques Dernier to create a substance that melts chains. All of which goes flawlessly. Then the next day our villain rolls in with murder evident in his eyes. And demands our Princess be up and working right this second, but a slightly reasonable Hydra guard Kleiber also comes in and argues the Princess is too sick to work. And orders for the cranes to start right away. A perfect timing honestly, for the loyal rescuers had already melted the crane’s chain earlier. It really was brilliant to watch for everyone in the room, the villain get crushed by a mighty blow from the crane. Then the Captain Steve in shining armor with a stupid shield saves Princess James and they rode off on a dirty truck into a sunset and lived happily ever after. The end.”

"Don't call me James." Bucky gets up and walks away with, "I'll take the first watch." and that was that.

Steve also promptly gets to his feet, "Uhh me too." He throws over his shoulder and goes after the same direction Bucky disappeared to.

Ruth and the others obviously see and feel the sudden tension between the two, for they all just stare for a while after them.

"What's wrong with the name "James"?" James Montgomery "Monty" Falsworth asks rhetorically, looking a bit offended. “Alright then let's get some sleep.” He prods everyone to lay down in their respective places. But they settle next to each other. Dum Dum ends up on one end, with Monty next to him. Ruth wedges herself between Monty and Morita. At the other end Dernier and Gabe tuck themselves in.

"I hope mom and dad are okay." Gabe jokes.

"Ehh they'll kiss and make up. I'm sure it'll be fine." Dum Dum remarks with a wave of his hand.

Ruth feels like she is going to seize up a little inside. She tries to voice her thought several times before settling for, "You guys know?" her voice sounding small even to herself. Hesitant.

"Yeah, filly. We know. It's sort of hard not to considering how much time we ended up spending with those dumbasses. And looking at all the googly-eyes they send each other. And we ain't got no problem with them." Morita responds calmly.

"You know, Barnes would talk about this little slip of blond thing he got back home. He said her name was Stella, though. Always causing fights and always so angry at the world. But still the best girl he had ever met. He said she was sick a lot, too." offers Dum Dum.

"And he was even more delirious in the cell. The pneumonia was  _bad_ at that point." Gabe mumbles.

"Didn't take a genius to put two and two together who he meant once Rogers showed up. Though, at first we were confused as hell, but after reading Cap's file we knew." says Dum Dum.

"Oh. Huh, they could get court-martialed." Ruth thinks out loud.

"And  _that_ ain't gonna happen." Dum Dum replies back with cold resolution in his voice.

They go to sleep one by one not long after that.

The first thing Ruth hears when she wakes up is her bladder screaming. Monty's hand is outstretched under her head. He grumbled when she yanked it earlier before she went to sleep, to lay her head but he didn't take it back. So she figured it's alright. Besides, she can just yank Morita's hand if Monty decides not to accommodate.

Standing up gingerly, she wonders how long they have been sleeping. And if Steve and Bucky want to switch. She has some idea where and what they are doing, but still this deep behind enemy lines, she wants to be sure they are safe. Promising herself to scream bloody murder to wake the others if anything were to happen, she silently makes her way in the direction the other two had gone earlier.

Deeming a good place on her way, she relieves her bladder, and continues her search. Not too far in she finds them snuggled close together. Bucky is in between Steve’s legs, his back to the other's chest.

From the looks of it Bucky is sound asleep, face tucked into Steve’s neck. Steve reverently cards his hand through Bucky’s hair. The other is tangled with Bucky’s hands.

They look peaceful like this. Completely sharing each other’s warmth and world. Though, she also think they’re doing marvelous job at keeping watch.

But, she understands. It’s hard to come by moments like this for them. Stealing whatever they can, against the world and the war.

She makes a little bit more noise as she wants to let Steve know someone is coming. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” She says as quietly as possible for not wanting to bother either of them and stands not so far away from them. Steve looks up without stopping his hand motion or disturbing Bucky. Ruth smiles at Steve for this. For not shying away from her, for not making any moves to stop. "He must have been really tired." Ruth says quietly, inclining her head towards Bucky.

"Yeah, he hasn't been sleeping very well lately." Steve whispers back.

She just nods. "You guys get some rest. I'll take watch."

Steve smiles and nods in acquiescence. Ruth thinks Steve probably would have refused if Bucky wasn't so peacefully asleep on him.

With that she turns back around and checks the perimeter once more. The night is calm and easy. She likes nights like this. There is not much to see but still the forest itself is a beauty. A beauty she had come to like and appreciate. The leaves rustling, but if she takes steps just right, she doesn’t have to make any noise while walking.

It is amazing what she has learned the last few months, no, years. From the moment she got kidnapped till this day, and the war is not even over yet. It makes her both dread the coming times and at the same time be stupidly excited to test out what she is truly capable of.

She - wait - oh - she just realizes like a complete moron that Steve probably heard her from pretty much the moment she woke up. That's why he wasn't surprised at all. He could hear anything from miles away. Well, she supposes he was keeping watch. Sort of. Just with his ears.

Around 3 am, Frenchie wakes up and switches with her. She did promise herself to learn French but man they talk weird. She wants to talk to him but the language barrier sucks. Though, whenever she sees Gabe and Dernier, they are always laughing at something, or with each other. So, she thinks Frenchie is funny but also very understanding. For he never gets mad or looks like he thinks anything when they're not able to communicate with him as freely.

Most of the time, she is just damn glad Frenchie is on their side. The bombs the dude makes are something that resemble art.

He pats her good-naturedly on the back and motions for her to go. When she arrives at the little pile of soldiers she sees that Bucky and Steve have joined the pile, too. Her earlier spot is completely gone now. She throws herself next to Dum Dum, who takes a peek at her before reaching and enveloping her in his warmth. Feeling secure she lets the sleep take over till dawn.

A quiet whistle from Dernier wakes up everybody. Morita grumbles at Frenchie, by pushing at his legs. Smiling Dernier helps Morita to get up like he is an old man who can't get up without aid. Morita grumbles even more at Dernier, only prompting more laughter from the man.

They get ready to move under three minutes, and they're en route to Rastenfeld, Austria. Along the way they rendezvous with seven soldiers from the 96th Platoon of the British Army. Monty seamlessly works his charm, and they are soon working and planning together with perfect efficiency.

When they get closer to the town, the scene changes rapidly. They abandon the truck a little further from the battle, though one thing everyone immediately notices is the huge-ass fucking tank in the middle of town. The monstrosity is so big that they all stare at it for a second before Frenchie says something to Gabe.

"That is one hell of an ass." Dum Dum murmurs low in his breath.

"Dernier says he got something, Cap." he shouts over the gunfire.

Steve wrenches his head from The Monstrosity and tips his head forwards to keep moving. When they get close they look around town; this time scanning the battleground. The Allied soldiers, and their tanks have The Monstrosity surrounded, but their fire and cannon are doing nothing to it.

"Monty I'm gonna go in and jump on that, and I want you to pass Derniers' baby to me. Bucky and Morita watch our backs. Ruth I want you to take care of those smaller tanks. Gabe you'll clear her way. Frenchie? Dugan? Give 'em hell." Steve directs.

"Aye aye Captain." the team hurrahs at the same time. Frenchie tosses the bag with explosives to Monty, who slugs it over his shoulder. Without much preamble everyone rushes forward with their duties.

When the Allied see Captain America and his token shield, they cheer a little all around. A beacon of hope lights up the whole field.

Ruth crouches down behind a barricade, breathes once, twice, before joining the battle. She keeps her all her senses open, memorizes and keeps tabs on everyone's movements. Gunning down couple of German soldiers, she sets her mark on the smaller tanks that are following the The Monstrosity. Everytime The Monstrosity fires it decimates everything in a five-foot radius. She can see the Captain is plowing towards The Monstrosity, Monty not too far behind. Bucky gives both of them cover, as Morita watches Bucky's six.

Once one of the smaller tanks loses its surrounding human shield, she runs towards it. Dodging the cannon she climbs the tank, just as she is breaking the hatch open she glances and sees Cap doing the same as her but instead of going in he throws the bag of explosives that Monty expertly throws at him inside The Monstrosity. Smirking, she shoots one soldier inside it before throwing herself in it, with one of the biggest booming sound in the background. One dead, there are two more soldiers, one who is already busy with cannon firing. The other one, who has a scar across his eye, throws himself at her with a knife. Bringing out her own knife from her thigh, she puts it up in time to stop the blade from splicing her throat.

Pushing at his chest with her foot, she regains some space before charging him. After a few scuffles she has Eyes Scar by the head as she slices open his throat. Noticing his fellow soldier hasn't managed to kill the girl, the other one goes for his weapon. Ruth instantly throws her knife at his head, where it gets lodged in his brain. The body makes a dull thud as it hits metal. Overstepping the two bodies, she retrieves her knife and cleans it on his uniform. Pushing herself out of the tank she sees the Allied are gaining more ground than they had before. She cleans four more smaller tanks before the battle finishes completely. Soldiers and the civilians that still haven't abandoned their home come out and all cheer the Captain and the Howlies. It is a stark contrast to the bloodied ground and uniforms. After a few dozen handshakes and salutes, everyone gets to work to check for wounded and round up to head to their next destination.

At last Bucky extracts Steve from the crowd, to where Dugan, Ruth, Frenchie, and Monty are already gathered, and checks him all over for injuries

Adrenaline now dissipating she looks down at herself. Her feet, legs and hands are all covered in blood, and she removes a piece of small intestine that clung to her knees. Her black jacket is smattered with a few specks of red, too. She scowls thinking of laundry.  

"You okay, filly?" Morita joins the group.

"Yeah." she nods.

"You sure?" comes a voice from behind. Looking around she sees Gabe nearing the group, and he points at the back of her thigh. Twisting around, she sees a puddle of blood has already formed. Huh, she doesn't remember this. Everyone notices it, "Looks like a bullet hole. Come on, let's take a look at it." Gabe offers. Steve gently steers her towards their truck. Once there, Gabe brings out the aid kit, and goes to cut a small part of her pants with his knife. The Howlies all stand around, creating a circle around Ruth and Gabe, to give a semblance of privacy.

"Wait, I like these pants." she hears someone cut off their sudden laugh as she tries to get Gabe to understand that it's serious, but he only looks at her dubiously, like he can't believe she is worried about her pants. "What?"

"Your pants are already ruined, you genius." Ignoring her grumble he proceeds to create a bigger space to see. "Ruth, it is a bullet wound. How are you even standing on that leg?"

Okay, it's not exactly her fault she is still yet to tell the Howlies about  _that_. There simply wasn't the time. Besides, nobody ever asked. 'How can they ask about something they don't know' she thinks belatedly. She looks at Steve, who looks to be waiting for her decision; then at Bucky, who is looking at her with raised eyebrows, his eyes almost screaming "What did you expect?".

"It doesn't look to have hit anything important, though." Gabe observes, flashlight in one hand. She guesses it's as good a time as any to tell them. Looking around, she sees the others are pretty worried, more so is Morita.

"How deep is the bullet?" Bucky asks.

"Not too deep." Gabe answers peering up at Bucky.

"Take it out." Ruth tells him.

"Here, there should be some pain killers." Gabe made to stand up but she reaches out and stops him.

"That's fine. Just take it out."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

With an, "Okay." under his breath, he gets to work. While waiting, her mind supplies the image of the man getting his bullet dug out of his leg that time in the infirmary after the rescue. She remembers his distressed cries and wonders that maybe if she screams and acts like that, she won't have to tell them anything. However, she knows they deserve to know. They all did a long time ago.

"Done." he bandages the wound with gauze.

"Should we be freaked out that you didn't a make single sound? Because it is certainly peculiar." Monty quips.

Turning around, Ruth weighs where to even start. Looking at the ground she tells them. She tells them all of it. Even the injection, the new found strength, and the accelerated healing. "Though, the strength has developed a little later. You know once I built up my muscles and started training it became apparent." she finally looks up, instead of finding judgement or fear, she only sees acceptance.

"Dieu merci, elle est de notre côté." Dernier speaks up first.

Smiling, Gabe translates, "He says he's glad you're on our side."

Surprised, Ruth looks at Frenchie and chuckles, "Yeah, you all would be fucked if I wasn't."

Morita, shaking his head, headlocks Ruth and fusses up her hair that was in a pristine ponytail, "You're just full of surprises, aren't ya, filly."

"Fuck Morita, I ain't your dog." she pushes at him to stop. When he finally lets up she tries to assemble now a glorious mess of hair into something tame. And the whole time she glares at Morita, though with no heat behind it. But she sobers up, "Uhh - sorry, for … not telling you guys sooner but ah well, yeah." she finishes weakly.

"These two idiots knew, didn't they." Dum Dum states more than asks, pointedly smirking at Steve and Bucky.

Bucky makes an indignant sound, glances towards Dum Dum, "Who you calling idiot, you Dum Dolt."

"Obviously you and your wife there, you dope." Dum Dum retorts back carelessly. All of double take at his words, especially so Steve and Bucky, who freeze and stop breathing.

Before anyone does anything or speaks, Ruth stands up, "They know. And they're completely fine with it."

Confusion crosses the sergeant's face, "What?"

The whole team sighs, 'these two hopeless fools'. "We knew about you guys for a long time now, and we got no problem with it." Mortia tries to explain.

"How?" Steve asks.

"It was pretty obvious."

At that moment Morita's radio cracks up, "Howling Commando, Howling Commando, this is Alpha 107, how do you copy? Over." Phillips's voice stealing everyone's attention.

Morita heads over to it and answers back, "This is Howling Commando, copy loud and clear, over."

"Is King Tiger successful? Over."

"Affirmative. Over."

"Next target is in Czechia. Mission debrief will be conducted in Blansko, Czechia. Over and out."

The radio cuts off, Ruth can feel the static both from the radio and the guys around her. Steve goes on first and gets into the truck. Ruth can see from the back window he reclines in the passenger seat, covers his face with his hand. They all watch it silently, before Bucky speaks out, "Who else knows?" eyes hard, face determined.

"No one. Just us. We kinda figured it out." Dum Dum answers.

"How?"

"You rambled a lot when you had pneumonia." Gabe voices.

The sergeant sighs and hangs his head low, hands perched on his hips. He quietly  mumbles out a 'So it's because of me', before facing them "And you guys are just … okay with it?"

"Lad, your arses would already be court-martialed if we weren't." Monty wisecracks.

Bucky nods, perhaps finally starting to believe that they have unconditionally accepted it. "Imma talk to Steve." with that he heads over to the driver's seat.

"These two really are such idiots." Ruth remarks as the whole team watches the sergeant with his captain. And that was that, they don't talk about it ever again, and Steve and Bucky doesn't change a thing, either.

 

* * *

 

The Czechia Hydra base is exactly the same as the ones at Kreischberg. Only, minus the prisoners. Same weapons that the Army has secured tons of. Same regimen and facturing of blue weapons. The team instead of allying with another platoon they are to blow this base to heaven high all by themselves. Also combined with a previous experience they are relatively less surprised and more ready this time around.

Kicking open the doors to the factory is satisfying as hell for everyone. But the fight is as usual bloody and exhausting. Ruth blearily thinks, for all the helmets and black leathers they wear, it does shit protecting them. The bullets go through with little to no problem.

The devotion these men have placed in Hydra is something Ruth never comprehends. How they can not see they are the wrong ones in this? How they are devastating the whole world? It's not like they get much protection back from Hydra either. Just a flimsy pill to kill themselves and that's it.

Steve goes in first, knocking out and directing the main line of fire his way, as that gives the rest of them a direct opening to kick the agents to the curb. The machine gun is heavy in Ruth's grip; she prefers her glocks but this time she needs much more rounds than her glocks hold.

While the rest of them gun down any and all agents, Bucky as usual focuses on protecting Steve. Whenever an agent comes even a little bit close to Steve's perimeter, a shot between their eyes is guaranteed. Ruth placed herself in next to Steve's other side, with Dum Dum and Morita taking up the flank. The Hydra swarm forward to meet them head on but still they haven't been expecting outside force at all, so by the time they realize what's happening it's too late.

In thirty-eight minutes they clean up the whole site. Gabe and Dernier go after an agent to capture alive, as the others finish taking care of the rest. It takes them three tries to finally get one before they manage to swallow their pill. And divest him of all weapons.

The aftermath sees the floor bathed in blood and gore. They are all long used to the sight, for they don't spare even a second glance before moving forward with their duties.

Once they make sure every inch of the site is covered and no agent is left alive to tell the tale, they take the one unfortunate agent outside as none of them have any fondness for the smell of blood, even though at this point it's a constant.

They push him in the middle, and surround him from all sides. The man looks to be in his twenties. Brown hair mussed and dirty, the impeccable dark uniform rumpled, he could pass as a simple man. If not a little cold-looking. Cyanide pill already taken out from his mouth, he literally has nowhere to go. But he doesn't cower from them, instead he makes sure to glare at them one by one, until he zeroes in on Steve, raising Bucky's hackles.

"" he spits out, face morphing into a snarl.

Gabe, without missing a beat, "" retorts back, making the Hydra agent to face Gabe, ""

The agent simply stares challegengly at Gabe, saying nothing, as Gabe calmly looks back to the agent.

The Hydra suddenly makes a move towards Gabe's knife in his thigh sheath, but Steve moves even faster, grabbing him by his shoulders and flopping him on his back to the ground. He keeps him there by his shoulders, like he's simply a misbehaving child not a fully grown man.

Gabe sighs and shakes his head, "He ain't gonna tell us shit. Just look at his eyes. He will die serving Hydra."

The man doesn't even struggle against Steve's hold, just stares up ahead. Not paying any attention to them, like he already sold his soul and be damned what his body goes through.

"There is always the next base we could search for." Monty suggests. Everyone understands by that he means. There is always more Hydra to  _ask_.

Something prompts Ruth to look up, only to catch Bucky's eyes. And she wishes she hasn't, for the look has a load of message behind it. But she can't deny that it would be helpful and logical in a twisted way. There won't be any external hurt, just a little bit inside and they'll get what they're ultimately after. By doing this they are a big step closer towards getting Zola  _and_ Schmidt.

"Cap, take a step back." Steve looks up at her but she is only looking at the Hydra agent.  

And there is a reason Steve is the leader of this group. "Ruth, you don't have to do this. It's not our only option."

"I got this. Trust me." With a grim face Steve gets up as she crouches down next to the agent, placing her hands on his head.

And she feels it, she feels the energy that leaves her everytime she does this. It distinctly resembles transferring a telepathic implant into someone else's body.

The Hydra agent starts to scream, trying to wrench his head away from her hands, but she is holding it with an iron grip. His feet kick dirt and hands dig into ground. The team watches it all with various expression. But no one protests, for they too know it could prove to be useful. Just on the verge of passing out she lets up, and looks at Gabe expectantly.

"" He asks again.

"" eyes bleary, the Hydra agent grits out through his teeth. Gabe shakes his head at Ruth in negative.

Closing her eyes, taking a moment, Ruth feels Steve's hand on her shoulder. Whether in sympathy or support she doesn't know. But she takes it nonetheless. And tries again.

After three more tries and nothing but curses falling from his bloodied lips, Ruth stands up and unhesitatingly puts a bullet in his head. The sudden quiet drapes the whole forest. Even the insects and animals around have been chased away by gunfire, explosions, and screams.

No one dares to disturb the heavy silence. Ruth hangs her head low for a moment and tries to catch her breath. It is totally ridiculous that she gets winded from doing nothing. Well, not nothing. But it was necessary.

It was.

"We should gather up the weapons and sweep the base again." Ruth states.

At that moment everyone understands the ugliness of war. There was a brief moment after the liberation at Kreischberg, they all thought maybe the war wasn’t as hopeless as it seemed before. Maybe, just maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

But, it seems like this is the wake-up call that was due. This is what war requires out of all its fighters that are trying to be survivors. There was no point in lingering on it, simply keep it up and live and win.

They had been mainly on foot in Czechia, since the whole country is an enemy territory, they want to draw as little attention as possible. Aside from occasional drop-off of ammunition and ration in a concerted locations, they had little communication with the base the last month and a half. Once they cross the border to Poland they wouldn't have to trudge as gloomily as they have been lately.

That night they find an abandoned house. Exhausted and weary from the battle this small reprieve is something of a miracle. The house is sturdy and big, there is not even a single bullet hole in it. Simply abandoned. Consisting of roomy living room, kitchen and two bedrooms and a small bathroom upstairs, the owners must have been quite well off to maintain this house, far from everyone else. Ruth saw a little field where they possibly used to grow vegetables and such.

They dust off the beds and couches, and they give the bedroom with one big bed to Steve and Bucky who accept after a lot of threats and persuasion. The other bedroom has one bunk bed and a single bed inside, so Dum Dum, Gabe, and Frenchie take it. Ruth early on placed herself on the couch that is surprisingly soft and comfy, while Monty and Morita snuggle up on ground.

They've been black on ration food since yesterday, so Gabe and Bucky go to hunt for some game. In an hour or so they bring back a few rabbits and birds. Steve, Dum Dum and Monty skin and clean them. They light a fire in the fireplace with a small amount of leftover wood, but it's mostly Steve who cooks the meat on fire before handing them off one by one.

It is the most comfortable and sheltered they've been in a while, so they all try to soak it up as much as possible before dawn forces them to keep moving again.

Ruth checks the perimeter once more before settling down to take watch. When done with the perimeter around the house, she goes upstairs to check in on the guys. Dum Dum's snoring is already well underway she can hear it even downstairs. Just when she reaches their open door, she sees Gabe chuck something at Dum Dum who stirs but doesn't wake up. The snoring cut off for the moment, "Hairy drool." Gabe mutters under his breath, turns around and sets to sleep. Frenchie is watching her with a smile from under his pillow he got over his head, she smiles, ""

Turning around, she heads over to Steve and Bucky's room. Rapping on the door twice, she opens it slowly. Steve is on the bed, leaning on the headboard a paper and pencil in his hands while Bucky is on the chair. No doubt, Steve is drawing Bucky. Again.

"Just checking in." Looking at Steve, inclining her head towards Bucky, "You see him everyday, why do you even need him to model for you anymore?" She says with a smirk.

"Because it's a foreplay." Bucky says casually glancing at her with a raised eyebrow. Steve sputters and goes pink all around his face.

Rolling her eyes, "Of course, I'm not even surprised. " With a shake of her head, she closes their door and goes downstairs. Weaving between the limbs of Monty and Morita she gets comfortable on the kitchen table, and writes her first report to the colonel as succinctly as possible:

 

This report is based on the raids that have been commissioned by the SSR. By good fortune, certain enemy documents relating to the operation have recently become available. The manner in which these documents were obtained is in the report No. 103. The operation Csechie Hydra Weapons base has been successfully looted by Captain America and the Howling Commandos with accompaniment of Agent Six, this afternoon at 0300 hours. The date is July 24th of 1944. The goal of this mission is to track down any intel helpful towards locating Hydra's main operational base. Interrogation from Hydra agent along with any intel acquired was not informative. No Hydra survivors. We head to Poland on foot from here on out.

 

* * *

 

The next two raids follow in the same fashion. Ruth can feel the Army and SSR getting desperate for any kind of information. Even with all damage Hydra is receiving, there is intel from every network that there is something big Schmidt is brewing. The pressure to find the main base and Schmidt's endgame is proving to be of utmost importance .

After every failed interrogation Ruth can feel her own desperation grow, too. She understands it’s not only her that has a personal stake in this, but she can't help the little voice that is telling her, not anyone else, but her, that  _she_ needs to do this.

After Czechia they make sure to capture the commanding officers. But still, the two agents they captured in Nowogard end up honestly not knowing anything. Even after three tries from Ruth on both of them, all the information they know is either outdated or totally the opposite of what they knew to be true. Which Ruth thinks is a waste of energy. She also puts them out of their misery.

In Wroclaw, Ruth captures one more agent herself. For  _backup_. She goes hard on all of them. Harder than she ever has before. After the two of them are as futile as any Hydra agent they've come across, the guys sort of spread out in the little clearing they've been using as an interrogation. Leaving the third agent to Ruth, by now she had learned the hard words of, ""

He passes out after four goes. And Ruth sits there without moving, staring numbly at the agent's face. Lately she's been feeling like she can differentiate what kind of and where to inflict pain. In other words, before it was just agony throughout their whole body but now she can pinpoint what kind of pain she wants them to feel. She sometimes changes tactics, starting from a weird feeling in their chest, it slowly crawls to their fingertips then suddenly feeling of thousand needle piercing itself into every inch of their skin. Then changes it to pain akin to heart-attack or their limbs being cut off.

When she hears a movement next to her, it's Morita.

"Take a break, filly." Handing her a flask of water. In hindsight she understands Jimmy is just trying to look out for her, but he has to understand that she needs to do this. If not the whole world, this piece of illusive information might change the tide of war. The bleak idea that Schimdt might succeed is a thought she doesn't even want to entertain.

"I can't, Jimmy." she shakes her head at him. When he opens his mouth, probably to say something more to convince her to stop, she fully turns to him, "Don't. I don't need your pity words. I have to do this."

He looks at her for a second before getting up and joining the others. The Hydra agent starts to come to. When he does, she starts again.

"Fucking Hydra doesn't tell anything to its agents." She mutters once she is done with the agent, and comes close to the group. This time she purposely ignores the mental strain that comes after every time she uses her powers.

Steve nods, "Let's move out."

The third letter to Phillips is the same as the other ones. She writes, _the base here, as the rest, has been for naught._   _Even after sweeping it inside out, they find nothing_. She includes in the letter they will be going to the Germany base tomorrow morning. Though, not even once now she mention the interrogations. Later, after writing it, she folds it and keeps it in her inner pocket.

She worries that maybe the letters are too careful to be anything genuine. She gets caught up in thought all night as she listens to the wind and the rustle of trees. If he gets even a whiff that she is just playing him right back, it is the moment it's over for her.

At the first town that is in tact, she sends the letter through an Army base there.

 

* * *

 

Earlier in the morning they've been dropped off by an airplane twenty miles from the location. The truck ambush close to the Germany base is something of genius that Frenchie came up with. With Morita's signal whistle, he clutches the bomb he had been making the night before and runs towards the oncoming Hydra truck that is cargoing a load of gunpowder. He rolls on the road in front of the truck just in time and plants the bomb underneath it. Just as he gets up from the ground, and covers his ears, the vehicle explodes in stunning flames. As the rest of the team are looking stunned at the now burning truck, eyes wide, Frenchie turns to them in pride and bows like he just performed a musical. It is the first smile everyone has had in a good while.

On foot rest of the way to Germany, the team decide to play  _I Spy_. Now that the team knows everything about her it makes things much easier. She knew she should have told them way earlier. They have a better understanding of what she can handle and what-not. And that's crucial on battlefield. She can feel the harmony and synchronicity between them like a second skin. It's one of the things that is propelling her forward. She wonders what she would have done without it. Without them. Probably would not have nothing but hatred and anger.

A week ago they received an intel that the target in Germany is a science laboratory. Upon hearing that, Ruth's head got filled with all the possibilities; this is where they would actually get somewhere, or maybe even Zola would finally be there. So, it is no secret everyone has high hopes for this.

Observing from afar, the warehouse is in middle of a forest; tall fences surround it, lines of trucks line the outside of the warehouse. On the other side is a plane on a dirt runway that looks to be have been used pretty frequently, two marksmen on east and west towers. Hydra agents flock back and forth, watching out for anything unusual. Ruth spots a truck roll through the gate, which gets opened immediately, as it stops in front of the big door of the lab. A woman in a white coat exits and rushes inside the building holding a metal looking suitcase.

"Alright, there is a very real chance that Zola might be in this building, we hit 'em hard and fast. Don't give them time to escape, we are capturing as many scientists as possible. Bucky I want you to cover all of us and those towers, too. Ruth, Dugan you secure the front doors, while Gabe and Frenchie charge from the side of the hangar. Monty, Morita you are with me, get them inside that lab safely, also kick every Hydra in your way." After making sure everyone has their roles figured out in their heads, captain gives them the go.

Ruth can feel Bucky's bullets go breezing past them every few seconds, and she sees one Hydra agent get a bullet in between his eyes when he tries to sneak up on Steve. Who is a stupid head and salutes Bucky, giving away the sergeant's carefully chosen spot to the enemy. Ruth and Dugan wait for the other three to clear the way a little, before dashing into the laboratory.

Inside the building, it's just one big room with a dozen or so white coats going back and forth between tables littered with tubes, bottles, microscopes, syringes, and other equipment Ruth can't even begin to fathom. Stark would probably have more fun identifying them. Right in the center there are three people strapped onto a table. One's head is open by his scalp, the brain is on bright display for anyone; while the other one is well awake and aware for she is struggling against the binds. The last one looks dead. They have the skin of her back open, spine and intestines on display just like the first one.

Upon taking it all in, Ruth simply wants to gun down every one of them. She nearly does when little farther ahead she sees him. Zola flanked by two Hydra guards is running towards the plane. But he looks back and sees her, recognition lights up his pudgy face and shrivelling eyes.  She can feel everything in her light up with anger and hatred.

"Bring her alive to me." Zola orders the two Hydra guards, and they immediately move in her direction. She sees red at that, forgetting whatever else, raising up her glocks she goes after him. All senses but eyes are zeroed in on the sick fuck, she guns down every obstacle in her way. But with every shot she is infinitely aware Zola is getting further away and is almost to the plane. Desperation rising, she doubles her effort. She hears the plane starting, as wind starts to blow, affecting her shots.

When there is finally no one in her way, the plane is already making its way down the runway. Running, she shoots at the moving aircraft, trying to stop it somehow, anyhow. Just as she hits the dirt the plane takes off and flies away. In despair she chucks her glock after it. Breathing hard she slides to her knees and watches the plane fly farther and farther away. Blankness filling her, she feels nothing. She only sees the plane.

"Ruth?" comes a hesitant voice from her left. Turning her head, she notices Dugan, Frenchie, and Gabe are all there looking at her, unsure. Without answering them she stands up and goes to retrieve her glock in the dirt, puts the safety back on. Then she turns around and inspects the view in front of her. Bodies litter the laboratory. Dozen or so black uniforms also mixed with a couple of white coats. Blood flows across the floor. The scientists that have dodged the bullets and alive are cowering behind their tables, looking at her in horror. Though, no matter how long she stares at the scene, she can't bring herself to care.

At that moment, Steve and the others barrel into the building. Confusion mars their features, no doubt heads filled with various questions.

"Gather them up." Steve instructs Morita and Monty, and heads over where Ruth and the others are still standing. And asks a simple, yet loaded question, "What happened?" When there is no answer, the captain tries again, "We weren't supposed to kill the scientists. Extraction is already on its way."

"Casualties of war." Slips past her lips.

Steve instantly catches on to what she meant by that, for he retaliates with, "Whose war? Yours?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean." Gazing at the still blank looking face, a young face. Very young at that. Too young to have gone through what she has at her age. Steve knows, reading her file, Zola had her kidnapped when she was just sixteen. Now nineteen years old, she should have had a completely different life. But is here, among grown men and women, playing her part, paying the price of war with them. Taking a deep breath, Steve tells her, "Tell me what happened."

She doesn't answer right away. Continues to stare at the captain, judging what to tell him. Though, at the end of the day, there is nothing to consider. She knows  _she_ has to tell them, not anyone else. Only her. But, she feels like there is something stuck on her throat and she can't squeeze out a single sound. And the more she thinks about the stuckness, the more bubbles up inside her. Everything she's been holding in so far, trying to push down, doing her best to convince herself she is fine, everything is fine. She isn't, isn't she? She had just been a kid, waiting for her life to start, so she can venture out, and explore the world for herself. She had been planning to get to stateside, maybe even claw her way into college. She had wanted to become a doctor. It was a nearly impossible dream, but she had wanted it. But before she could experience her first course, life took her in a whole new direction. Now, she looks back and realizes how naive and stupid she's been. To have the audacity to dream.

She feels like crying, but she doesn't. Crying is for cowards. Clearing her throat, forcibly removing the stuckness, she relays what happened in monotone voice. It's wasn't too long into her telling, when the sergeant rolled in and came to stand next to Steve. When she's done no one speaks for a while.

A quiet but firm voice of Steve's interrupt all their thoughts, "You still shouldn't have lost control, Ruth."

With narrowed eyes, Ruth feels something inside her tick a little wrong. Before she could process, she is lifting her chin in defiance and saying the words she never thought she would say to the captain. "Who are you to tell me that? What do you even know of Hydra? You're not the one who was imprisoned by them for over a year.  _You_ don't know anything about what I've gone through in their hands. You think I'm doing all this and going after Zola and Schmidt just for shit'n giggles? Who are you to be the judge of everything? Fucking turn around and look at what those precious scientists of yours have done to that three people there! They literally have their insides out in the open, and who even knows they've been dead first? They are not good people, Steve. It's them that inflicts the most damage to this world.  _They deserved to die_." Ruth is breathing hard, and came a lot closer to the captain then she initially was.

She can see Steve trying to sort through everything she just threw at him, and she briefly regrets for charging in on him, but it doesn't last long.

Then Bucky says with resolve, "We'll hide the coat bodies."

Ruth takes a double take at his words. It was true she wasn't the best of friends with the sergeant and she doubts they ever will be. Even if they don't talk about it, Ruth always feels an underlying wariness from him. And she doesn't blame him, anyone with common sense should.

Morita is already nodding, "Yeah we'll dispose of them a little further from here. Not like they'll be inspecting every inch."

"What about the prisoners? They'll talk." Monty voices.

"It's their words against ours. Who do you think they'll believe? Couple of enemy scientists or their very own elite team?" Bucky offers without hesitation.

Steve is looking at Bucky with eyes so big, like it's the first time he is seeing Bucky. It lasts long enough for Bucky to look back at him, and they lock eyes for a long while before Steve slowly bob his head, following along with the plan, shoulders squared, "Alright then, it's settled. Anyone got anything to say?" he makes eye contact with every one of them, checking to see if anyone is not comfortable with the suggestion. When no one protests, Ruth once again feels overwhelmed by the support the team has shown her over and over again. "Good, we'll take care of the bodies, Ruth, how about you go check on those captives in there? And keep an eye on those scientists."

She knows this is the captain giving her another chance, and also telling her he trusts her without saying it outright. She nods her understanding and they all head into the building.

She first notices that behind the glass are all the scientists in a section that looks to be an office. The door is shut and blocked off with a metal bar. The three captives are still in place. Ruth goes to them first, and checks for their pulse. She was pretty sure that the two of them are long dead, but she still checks anyway. Her guess proven to be correct, she probes around the third one's neck. Her eyes are closed now, Ruth hopes she hadn't caught a stray bullet or something. And there it was, a pulse. Relieved, she removes the straps.

In one go, they take the four bodies with them out of the building, in the direction of the forest. She watches them the whole way until they disappear out of her sight. Not too long after, they reappear. She realizes she's been holding her breath; she lets it out.

A muffled groan steals her attention, looking down the other girl is coming to, she opens her eyes and looks around until her sight lands on Ruth. She suddenly scrambles away from her, in the process falling from the table.

With shaking legs, the girl stands up, "Кто ты?"

Well shit, she doesn't know a lot of languages but she can say this one is Russian. The girl looks to be around Ruth's age, maybe a little younger. Dressed in a hospital gown with red hair and bright blue eyes that stare back at her. Thereupon, the team comes in, but takes careful steps when they see the other girl. She turns and looks at them warily, backing up, keeping all these new people in the line of her sight.

"Меня зовут Рут. Ты в безопасности, я не собираюсь причинять тебе боль." hands raised, trying to calm the other girl, Ruth answers back, hoping for the girl to understand her broken Russian that she used to peruse to pass the time on occasion. Before the war that is.

"Ты только что убила дюжину людей."

"Они были плохими людьми. Ты знаешь."

But she is shaking her head, Ruth doesn't know if in denial or something else. She hasn't stopped backing up until her feet collide with one of Hydra agents' gun. She pauses and looks down at it for a moment before looking back up. Suddenly, a stream of tears runs down her face, gaze locked on the scientists, she whimpers out, "Я не могу. Я не могу больше." then she picks up the gun and points it at herself. Several things happen at once. Ruth shouts out a, "No!" rushes to stop the girl, just as her whole team also springs forward. But, no one gets there in time, for the girl pulls the trigger, brain and blood splatter across the floor. The gun crashes first, then the body follows. Ruth stops dead in her track, blinks once, twice, and thrice. She - she just shot herself. Just like that. How could she? She was so  _young_ , had her whole life ahead of herself. She didn’t even try.

Once again, anger envelops her like a mother’s embrace. Before she could do or say anything, someone hugs her from behind. Turning around she clutches whoever it is back with all her might. After months, no, years she finally lets herself cry for the first time; she mourns. She mourns for her mother; she mourns for a father she never had; she mourns for the life she could have had; she mourns for the girl who threw hers away; she simply mourns.

After a few minutes, she calms down. Feeling a little embarrassed she lets out a half-chuckled breath, “Well, fuck, shit.” There’s no real humor behind it.

Looking up she takes in a sudden intake of breath. It wasn’t who she expected or ever thought would hug her for god knows how long that was. And even willingly at that. The sergeant looks down with sadness and understanding at her. Once more she feels it all on the verge of bubbling up again.

It’s getting ridiculous how emotional she is getting over one girl, when in the last few months she’s been killing almost daily. “Thanks.” she whispers quietly to Bucky. Looking towards the team, she finds them all surrounding her like a shield from the cruel cold world. She tries to convey her gratitude in the nod she sends them.  “When is the - uh - extraction coming?”

Steve looking down at his watch, says, “Should be any minute now.“

“Sorry. For ruining the mission.” she addresses them all. Now that the haze is all gone, she feels angry at herself for being a shitbird for them.

“Filly, the mission is just mission. you’re what we care about.” Morita reassures with a fatherly voice.

Before she could even start to examine what kind of emotion she is feeling, the extraction team comes barreling through the door. Shoulders squared, Captain steps forward to meet them.

“Evening. The prisoners are there.” Steve points to the scientists. The extraction team starts towards the glass office. They take the metal bar and order for the scientists to get out one by one, and start walking towards the aircraft outside. “No funny business.” The assumed leader of the team hollers.

“Wait, is that-“ Ruth stammers out when she sees a familiar face, “Dr. Gregorich?” She squints towards the said woman, who she thinks is doing her best to hide her face. But her blonde hair and slim build is unmistakable.

“And that’s Dr. Waidelich.” Gabe points towards a man with red hair and a pale complexion.

“Who’s Dr. Gregorich?” Gabe asks as Ruth watches in stunned silence when the doctor passes by.

“Who’s Dr. Waidelich?” Ruth asks as Gabe watches in stunned silence when the doctor passes by.

Looking at each other, they both at the same time go, “Doctor at the camp.” Ruth tries to gather her scattered thoughts that are forming at lightning speed. “Shit. This means they've already infiltrated us. Who knows for how long...”

"Oh, shit." Gabe mutters, and the others realize the same thing hearing the conversation.

"Well, things just keep getting FUBAR by the second."

As the extraction team finishes getting the prisoners on the plane, they don't even spare a second thought to the dead bodies. So, Howlies and Ruth follow onto the other plane. After seven hours they land at the Italy camp. They all file into the bunker for debriefing and mission reports. The relaying of Ruth and Gabe's report and suspicion lights a fire under SSR. Immediately they go into lockdown and start to weed everyone out. The process takes five days to complete, in the meantime they also work to get as much information from the prisoners as possible.

Ruth was testing out her new updated glocks with Stark when an officer hurries into Stark's bunker, tells them Colonel Phillips wants their presence.

Bucky and Dum Dum are also just arriving when Stark and Ruth make their way to the strategy room. Phillips, Peggy, and Steve are already there in front of a map facing Monty, Gabe, Frenchie, and Morita.

"Hurry your asses up." says Phillips gruffly. "This morning we got intel from one of the prisoners, that Zola is on a train heading towards their Switzerland base. We need to be on that train before he gets to that base and have any more backup."

Rush feels her heart drop.

"Captain Rogers, Agent Carter, and us have made an executive decision on how you lot will be intercepting them by ziplining on the train."

"Before the train takes off?" Bucky asks.

"No, when the train is moving." Steve confirms with a shake of his head.

"When?" Ruth pipes up.

"In nine days."

"But you are not cleared for this mission." Phillips levels his stern gaze with her, prompting Ruth to stare back in disbelief.

"What do you mean, sir?"

"You have officially been deemed compromised when it comes to Zola. You are off-duty until you pass your evaluation again."

Her mind goes through every possible way she could carry this. If she concedes and says nothing that would only confirm the prisoners' tale, and would render her team liars and untrustworthy in Phillips' eyes.

But if she acts all innocent and doe-eyed, it would confuse the colonel. Or so she hopes. "If I ask under what reasons, sir?"

"You know damn well what reasons. Dismissed." he says curtly and gets out of the bunker.

Ruth looks down, and covers her face with her hands. She gets it, consequences of her actions. She doesn't doubt her team, they didn't pipe shit about anything. Though, no doubt the prisoners did. Even with the Howlies saying something different, Phillips does know her, if not completely, he does have his suspicions.

"Only Zola will decide to go to a super secret location on a Valentine's Day." Bucky mumbles, arms crossed slumping in his seat. Eyes straying to Steve, who in turn tries to stifle his amusement.

Monty clasps Bucky's shoulder from besides him, and waggles his eyebrows, "Do not fret, Barnes. All the broads will still be here when you get back. I'll leave some for you." he claims, no doubt pointedly not remarking anything about Steve and Bucky's relationship because of Peggy in the room. 

"Monty not even a floozy will be interested in ya." Bucky retaliates, then standing up heading over to Steve. "Shall we head to the pub? Steve will buy us drinks."

"Hey -" Steve surges up from where he was reclining back by the two back legs of his chair, probably to protest he is a broke artist who can't afford even a bread, "-Ow." He almost falls from his chair when Bucky pokes him in the ribs.

"See, he will  _gladly_." Bucky confirms with a nod.

Everyone dazzles a smile at Steve and revels in his defeated look that says 'I-guess'.

The next nine days are filled with intel coming in through on how exactly to interject Zola, also with Steve and Bucky going crazy with what to get each other. It's their first Valentine after being reunited again. So, both of them are giddy and excited, not even the upcoming dangerous mission is enough to diminish their joy. At long last, it's the Howlies and Ruth that comes to their rescue. They planned to surprise them with a big tent in the middle of woods where no one will bother them, because all of them will be securing the perimeter. Through some sheer backdoor means Frenchie found some roses, candles, and a moonshine. But the sneaky bastard Steve found out about it, then got bombarded with various moans and whines. After receiving several threats Steve promises them that he won't say anything to Bucky and indeed will be a surprise. Also, promises he won't take the credit alone. 

On the fated day, Ruth is standing next to the team that is going after Zola. Steve, Bucky, Gabe, Frenchie and Monty are getting ready to get into the plane that will drop them off near the alps. It would be a lie if Ruth said she is not angry about being left behind, even if it's essentially her own fault. She watches as the team gets ready for the mission. She feels jealousy tugging at the back of her head, but she also concedes that her not going is for the best.

When they're finished getting ready, they look at her, and she says only one thing, "Get him." With a resolved nod they turn around and get inside the waiting plane.

She stays where she is until their plane flies out of sight. She remembers Phillips' order  to do her eval again.  _Fucking hell_.

 

* * *

 

"Why do you think you lost control?"

"I didn't."

"Okay, do you think you will lose control if you face Zola again?"

" _If_?" Ruth repeats.

The doctor looks at her for a moment, " _When_ you face Zola again."

"Won't happen."

"But - " she starts to say but Ruth has been watching the clock like a marksman watching their target. She abruptly stands up, "Time's up. Thanks, doc." Ever since discovering about Dr. Gregorich her sliver of trust that survived Zola has been snuffed out completely. She exits the room like she is being chased by wolves.  

With nowhere to go she heads to Stark. She finds him outside doing one thing or another with the blue glowing device in his hands.

"Why do you keep tinkering with that. You do remember we got blown up by that, Howie Duckie?"

He glares at her, probably still sore about the nickname, "I do remember, excuse you very much. And it's nothing your premature brain can comprehend." Says the little shit.

"With that little mouth of yours you'll probably end up all alone."

"Which I have no problem with."

Rolling her eyes, she sits next to him on the table, gets her glocks from her holster and gets to cleaning it. Phillips told her not to carry, but fuck it, it's war. She's never going to be without a weapon another day in her life, not if she can help it anyway.

"How is that doing?" Stark inclines his head towards her glocks.

Smiling, "Yeah, thanks by the way. It's been running even more smoothly since the last upgrade."

"Well, that's not surprising considering who invented it." with a smirk, "Though, I have a couple more ideas that I would like to add on to that. What do you say about a laser that can cut through anything, and self-cleaning, contains twice more bullets that - "

"Tell you what, if you find a way to do all that, sure, why not."

He sputters in indignation, and starts to say something but the sound of a truck propelling into the camp catches their attention. Its driving like mad, almost running over couple of soldiers, hitting some lamps and chairs on the way and stops next to them. It is a Hydra truck. Ruth leaps to her feet, points the other glock she hadn't yet dismantled yet. Everyone else in a ten-feet radius rushes forward with weapons in their hands as well.

But out leaps Gabe from the driver's side, with Steve in tow from the back. She has to blink twice when she sees who the captain drags by its nape along with him.

She points her gun at Zola, and her violent nature is itching itself to be known, she acknowledges it full-heartedly. But it takes all her will power to reign it in and not just shoot him point blank right this second.

"Well, I'll be damned." Stark mutters.

Zola, looking disheveled, his glasses askew on his pudgy face. Steve, grim looking, shoves him, prompting him to start walking in the direction of the bunker. Gabe and Frenchie grab each of Zola's biceps, and escort him with a frown on their faces and rim rod backs. Stark hurries to join them a few steps away. Ruth watches the whole way as Zola gets rushed, no knowing what to do and how to act. All of her fury and rage is still storming inside, her clenched her fists itch to do what she's been dreaming about since the day she saw Arnim Zola's face. But she can concedes seeing him bound and brought low calms her enough not to lose control like the last time.  

When they disappear, she lets her gun and hands fall to her sides, and notices Steve hanging back, just looking up ahead, eyes unseeing. Then he turns around and starts walking towards the forest, stance a little unbalanced, head hanging low, and tripping over his feet.

Where is Bucky?

Ruth looks around, doesn't see the sergeant anywhere. Bucky definitely was with them when they got into the bird.

Assembling her half-cleaned glock, securing both of them to her hip holster and goes over to the truck, looking inside. There is no one there. Steve's behavior tickling the back of her brain, she follows in the same direction. She finds the captain is sitting next to the tent Dum Dum, Morita and her built earlier after the others headed off. Steve's head still hanging low, hands on his thighs. He looks … completely defeated.

"Steve?"

He doesn't even flinch.

"Steve?" Ruth asks again, placing her hand gently on his shoulder, trying not to startle him. Though, still there is no reaction.

Going around, and kneeling down to face him, Ruth finds his face as blank as an empty white page, with tears streaming like a river down a mountain.

Taken aback, Ruth shakes him by the shoulders, "Steve, what happened? Where is Bucky?"

At Bucky's name Steve jerks, then brings his hands up and covers his face. The tears never stop. Ruth has never boasted herself to be a genius, or even smart, but she can put two and two together. Steve's reaction, and his demeanor, are enough of a tell. She can figure out what happened to the sergeant. To Bucky.

A sob wrenches her from her thoughts. Steve is now full on completely sobbing. The sound is heart-wrenching. It reminds Ruth of the sorrowful weep of a widow. His chest shakes with the sobs, the blankness from earlier is now utterly covered with a crying mess.

They sit like that for a couple of minutes before the Howlies appear from the treeline, but they hang back upon seeing their captain, most of all, friend.

"God, Ruth. He - " a sob "he - he's gone. I couldn't save him. I … failed him. He trusted me. He followed  _me_ in that damn train. Because of me - god, Ruth, what am I gonna do now? I can't - " he takes his hands away from his face, looks at her through all his tears, " I can't live without him. I just can't." he looks down at the ground, "it was always because of him I was alive or I wanted to live. What do I do?"

It breaks her heart to see her stronghold captain brought this low. She is sure one wrong word will send her friend tumbling in the direction she, along with everyone else, doesn't want him to go. Hearing his words, she is sure Steve is ready to follow his Bucky wherever possible. Even into death.

Palming his face, she makes him look at her before saying what she hopes is enough for the grieving captain, "You're going to live. Not just for yourself, but for him. You owe him that much, for all the sacrifices he made for you. You will continue to live for him." When the words don't spark anything in his eyes, Ruth becomes desperate and says the one thing that she is sure will bring  _something_ in Steve. After all, it worked for Ruth. "Or you avenge him."

At that, the captain really looks into her eyes. And she knows he understood her meaning. He understands he has unfinished business.

She doesn't look up to see if her team thought her words were wrong. The only thing that matters is making sure the captain doesn't do the one thing she denies herself everyday.

After that, Steve becomes a whole other person. He doesn't smile anymore; he doesn't linger anywhere other than his tent or the strategy room. But he spends his nights drinking whatever he can find available. Ruth knows he interrogated Zola behind Phillips' back. The network all over is furious that even with the threat that Schmidt will likely kill him, Zola hasn't opened up about the main base. The only lead they got was whatever Schmidt is planning, target so huge by now every nation that knows about Hydra got the wind of. So, basically, everyone is scratching their heads about what they should do. And Ruth has been avoiding Zola's cell like it's hazardous, mostly for her sanity. But one day, Steve comes to her tent, face grim and determined. Though, there is still a hollowness in his eyes that Ruth doubts will ever go away.

"I need you with me in Zola's cell." he states without any preamble.

"Well, hello to you, too." Ruth looks up from the French book Dernier gave her. If anyone asks, she is understanding every single word of it.

"I need you to question Zola." Who knew Steve's face could become even more grim.

"Why? You know what happened last time." She said, setting the alien book aside.

"Well, suck it up, agent. There is still a base we need to locate, in case you forgot. "

Feeling a little offended, "No, I haven't." she grounds out through gritted teeth. Without further ado she grabs her jacket from the end of her bed, and swipes by the captain out of the tent. Gabe and Dum Dum are standing outside. She doesn't pay them much attention either, simply goes straight to the bunker.

Steve dismisses the two guards outside Zola's cell, and Gabe and Dugan take their place. Entering through the door, it's mostly an interrogation room they've been keeping him. He is sitting on a metal table, with no blanket or pillow in sight. Ruth thinks with a dark satisfaction,  _'Good'._

"Well, karma is a bitch ain't it?" Ruth remarks to the surprised face that is now zeroed in on her.

"Little Faust, it is good to see you. I was hoping you will come see me."

"Oh? Eager to die, are we?"

"No, I was merely wanting to talk to you."

"Yeah, you're shit out of luck 'cuz I'm not here to  _talk_."

They grabbed some ropes on the way; she goes over and secures the squeamish little shit to the table.

"What are you doing? You are not allowed to do that. Hydra will - "

"Shut up. Hydra is not coming for you." Steve utters, holding down his legs.

She doesn't go easy on him. Not at all. She brings forth everything she learned and been through. Still till this day she can remember every single thing they did to her. All their efforts in order to break her. Solitary confinement, and sleep and food deprivations were a constant. Not letting her sleep for two weeks or not giving food for almost three weeks were a regular basis. Then after that they would give her loads of amount of food that is injected with whatever Zola came up with. Those times, the food would taste like chemicals but she would be so hungry, she would nearly eat it all, but only to make herself sick. Sometimes they would hang her hands above her head for two days, and when that didn't work they would hang her upside down. The times her mind start to hallucinate were so often and frequent, she stopped the count she kept in her head after it passed twenty-two.

She has become a master at pain. She started with his wretched eyes, she makes him think he is losing his sight little by little, at last blind. Then moves on to his lungs, almost making him pass out twice, first from drowning and second being buried alive. Next, she experiments with his heart. She makes him think his heart is being squeezed by thorns. She then focuses on his hands, her wish is to make sure he can never use his hands again; can never pick up a single syringe or pen. A pain like every single bone in his hands is being broken and crushed. Then, his legs; so he can never get up and go anywhere or do anything.

Through all of this, Steve stands quietly in the corner watching, his only reminder was to make sure Zola can still talk.

Zola pleads several times that he will do, and tell them, anything they want. But both Ruth and Steve are deaf to the pleas. When at last Ruth feels like she has had enough, Zola is barely breathing, sweat rolling down his unmoving, sickly pale body. He looks half-dead.  

They get what they were after, and leave Zola to his cell, all hoping he will rot in there.

 

* * *

 

After getting the information, it takes SSR a little too long for the intel team to gather information about the said base in the alps. Everyday, Steve gets a little more restless and Ruth feels even more on edge, finally, on the path to destroy Hydra once and for all. Phillips hasn't said anything about Zola, but he has been hounding her about her eval. Which honestly, Ruth thinks is a waste of time, after Hydra she's not going to be with the SSR any longer.

Finally, Phillips gathers them up in the strategy room, and relays the much awaited intel.

"Johann Schmidt belongs in a bughouse. He thinks he's a god, and he's willing to blow up half the world to prove it, starting with the USA."

Stark as usual comes in  _fashionably late_ , as he calls it. "Schmidt's working with powers beyond our capabilities. He gets across the Atlantic, he will wipe out the entire Eastern Seaboard in an hour."

"How much time we got?" Gabe asks.

Phillip answers, "According to my new best friend, under 24 hours."

"Where is he now?"

"Hydra's last base is here." He points at map, "In the Alps, 500 feet below the surface."

"So what are we supposed to do? I mean, it's not like we can just knock on the front door." Morita speaks up, looking around.

"Why not?" as everyone in the room looks at Steve, "That's exactly what we're going to do." Ruth scoffs at Steve's suggestion. Who knew he would be even more of an idiot now that his impulse control is no longer with him.

They discuss and agree on the necessary details the mission will require. After that they immediately rush to the plane, Phillips has tried to dismiss her from the mission but the team' sneaks her in on the plane, after all they will not be on a same aircraft.

The flight from London to the location will last about only three hours. Steve is not the only one with a grim face in the midst. They are all aware what today's date is. March 10th. Bucky would have been turning twenty-eight. Dum Dum, bless his heart, gets up and retrieves a bottle of "A" grade whiskey from his backpack, along with one glass.

"To sarge. He was a good soldier, but most of all he was a loyal friend who saved all our asses more times than we can count. He will forever be missed, loved, and cherished." Then hands the glass to Steve first.

Ruth can see Steve having difficulty swallowing and trying to reign in his emotions. He takes the glass, gulps the entire thing in one go. Then, Dugan passes a glass to everyone. When he is the only one who has not drank, Ruth takes the bottle and the glass from him, pours him a healthy amount.

They all take their previous seats, and wait for the plane to land. When it does, they don't waste any time taking up their posts. Ruth, along with Gabe, Monty, and Dugan, waits in the mountains. Monty is watching with his binoculars the base bunker with Schmidt inside it. Before he gives them and the battalion on the ground the go ahead to charge forward. Crashing through the windows, they whip out their weapons in a flash and start shooting any and all agents possible. Though, Ruth sees Schmidt run out of the room before anyone can catch or delay him. Monty throws Steve's shield back to him, and Ruth follows the captain.

Ruth knows, while chasing Johann, the assault team with Phillips and Agent Carter are raining hell down on the other side. Steve throws his shield to stop the door Schmidt went in from closing. But before they could go any further the Exo-Skeleton cuts in, with literal fire blowing out of it's fist. Steve manages to draw Ruth behind cover just in time. When suddenly, following a loud boom, the thing crashes to the floor. They meet up with Agent Carter and her team.

Upon seeing Ruth next to Steve, Peggy looks at her disapprovingly, "I was not aware you were cleared for this mission, Agent Six."

Ruth feels guilty for lying to her, but there was no way she was going to miss this. "I have joined because of  _this_ mission, Agent Carter. Other than death, nothing was going to stop me. I'm sorry but I'm not going to stay behind."

"We will talk about this later, Agent Six." Then she steps aside and inclines her head in the direction Schmidt disappeared to. “Carry on.”

Nodding, Ruth prompts Steve to keep moving. Slipping through the doors first, Steve wrenches his shield from in between the doors. They enter a huge hangar, everywhere fighting is happening. Though, the Allied forces are pushing the Hydras. Then they see the plane Schmidt went in, and it's rolling to take off.

For a second, Ruth gets a flashback from Germany, and at the same time they both start running and eliminating whatever is in their paths. But even with running as fast as they can, the plane is simply faster.

To their saving grace, Phillips and Peggy save them the leg-work by arriving on Schmidt’s monster car, telling them to get in. Hopping into the car, Ruth half expects Phillips to say something about defying his orders, but he doesn't. As the plane goes even faster, the gate is opening in order for it to take off, the colonel presses a red button which accelerates the car almost at the same speed at the aircraft. In no time, the car advances enough for them to be able to jump off onto the plane. They make the jump before they can think how fucking stupid and dangerous it is.

Hanging onto the planes' gears, Ruth looks back in time to see her commanding officers stop with one tire out on the edge. As the gears start to retract, Steve places a hand on her waist to balance her better, though appreciated Ruth thinks it was unnecessary. They leap off of the gear, and the first thing they see are artillery shells with US cities’ names painted on them, which Ruth feel herself go cold with shock. Debriefing about it in the bunker, and seeing it with their own eyes, are two completely different things.

"Holy shit, Steve. The fuck?"

"Yeah, holy shit." Steve replies just as petrified.

Ruth can feel her anger and enragement rise even more. But mostly, it's indignation that fills her chest. How can this abomination of a man ever have the audacity to dare he can destroy whatever he desires? She is going to kill the motherfucker even if it costs her her life.

Sounds of pounding feet draws their attention away from the shells, and they rush to meet them head-on. She takes on three of the suicide team as Steve handles the other four.

At one point Ruth sees one agent slip past them into the New York shell, launching himself with Steve on top of it. Not very worried about him, she finishes two more. Just as Ruth is picking up Steve's shield from the floor where it had fallen from his grip earlier, the New York shell plows into the plane a few feet away from her. She puts up the shield a little higher, a few shards bounce off the of it. Out hops Steve from the shell, “Good?” Ruth asks, handing his shield over.

He nods, "He knows we're inside."

They proceed into the cockpit, Steve first with his shield up and ready, then Ruth with her glocks out. They find it empty of anyone besides a blue glowing cube in the middle, where they both stand and stare at it. The thing is glowing like the little piece Stark was so fascinated with but also got blown up. Is this the source of all those weapons Hydra was able to make? What even is this? Is this that artifact Schmidt often times used to rant about to Zola? If it is, from what Ruth was able to piece together, it's suppose to be very powerful and otherworldly. Practically a thing of a god.

She catches a movement out the corner of her eye. Looking up, she sees Schmidt with the same old Hydra rifle in his hand, pointing it at them. He pulls the trigger. Before she can duck or do anything, Steve puts up his shield, infinitely protecting them from the blast that otherwise would have vaporised them to nothing.

"Ah, the girl and the captain." he looks at Ruth, and continues in his hollow boastful voice, "You would have made Hydra proud. There is still a chance. Join me, and you will have the power of the gods."

God, the guts this monster has is unbelievable.

"You delusional fuck, how could you even think I would want to join you after all the shit you did to me?"

"Sacrifices… have to be made in order to create absolution."

Spitting in Schmidt's direction, she snarls her answer out, "No fucking thanks. Though, I'll join you in hell and kill you there over and over and again."

"You think you'll succeed, Little Faust?" she shivers at the name Schmidt insisted she should be called. She had hoped she would never hear it again.

"I’m already halfway there."

Just like Steve, he was stronger than her, but with Steve at her side she holds her own.  She learns Schmidt mostly combats with his fists, no wonder he is so obsessed with naming her 'Little Faust'. Knowing is not being very effective in the fight, she tells Steve to keep Schmidt busy, before she runs back to the glowing cube, trying to remove it from whatever Schmidt had it encased in. Just as she was going to turn the handle, the plane tips forward, forcing her to clutch the handle while Steve and Schmidt fly in the air, which doesn't stop them from grappling with each other for even a moment.

Using the pedestal, Ruth launches herself to the pilot's seat, and rights the plane once more by setting it on autopilot. The thud of Steve and Schmidt falling back to the floor is deafening in a space full of metal. Schmidt draws his pistol out and starts to fire at Steve.

"You could have the power of the gods. Yet you wear a flag on your chest and think you fight a battle of nations! I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!"

Ruth takes out her own glocks and fires two rounds to Schmidt's back, but to Ruth's surprise he doesn't even seem to feel it, aside from faltering for a second. But it gives Steve just enough time to reach his shield and throw it at Schmidt with a poetic line, "Not my future."

The shield hits Schmidt with great force, the impact making Schmidt collide with the pedestal. The tube slides up and the cube gets dislocated, out of its case. Blue energy blasts out of like a thick fog. Ruth simply stares at it, and she can admit it is very hypnotizing to look at.

"What have you done?" Schmidt asks while standing back up. "No!" he grabs the cube, and as he squints at it, it starts to send sliver of energy in the air, and the ceiling of the cockpit turns into a vivid colorful display of the cosmos.

Ruth has never in her life seen anything like it. She honestly can't find the words to describe the beauty, or awe she is feeling. What happens next she wouldn't have ever thought would be possible if it didn't happen in front of her eyes. The cube starts to glow, not blue, but white in his hands and Schmidt disappears in a blinding white light, making her shield her eyes.

She doesn't know what propelled her to do what she did, but the next thing she knows she is catching the cube with her bare hands before it falls on the floor. Shocked at her actions, she stares down at the cube that is now resting peacefully in her grasp, like it had not just killed the man she yearned to kill for a long time.

Not knowing what to do now, she looks at Steve. At a loss of words she gurgles out some unintelligible syllables. "I -- eeaa - wha - umm - uhh."

Dubiously staring at Ruth, Steve slowly makes his way to her, picking up his shield on the way. After looking at each other for a few moments, Steve shrugs. Ruth also shrugs in return.

"The plane." she says to Steve, which prompts him to move to the pilot seat. Ruth follows and stands next to him. He puts his shield down and takes off his helmet. They read the charts, and radar, and they figure out what is happening with it pretty quick.

"Well shit, what we gonna do?" Ruth asks.

"I have an idea." Steve connects with the base in London.

"Come in. This is Captain Rogers and Agent Six. Do you read me?"

"Captain Rogers, what is your..." Morita's voice comes through, only to cut off by Peggy, "Steve, is that you? Are you alright?"

"Peggy, Schmidt's dead." Steve answers while looking at Ruth.

"What about the plane?" Isn't that the question?

Looking away from Ruth, Steve peers at the skies they're passing speedily. "That's a little bit tougher to explain."

"Give me your coordinates. I'll find you a safe landing site."

Steve looks at Ruth, again, and replies without looking at her. "There's not gonna be a safe landing. But I can try and force it down." And Ruth understands what he meant by the idea he had. He is giving them both an out. Out of this all. They don't gotta keep fighting any longer. Time to rest.

"I'll get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do." With a nod, Ruth steps away from the panel and starts to search for rope of any kind.

"There's not enough time. This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York." when she doesn't find anything, she remembers her belt. Taking it out with one hand is a little awkward but she manages.

"I gotta put her in the water." She secures herself to the metal support by wrapping it around her middle.

"Please, don't do this. We have time. We can work it out." Peggy sounds on the verge of tears.

"Right now I'm in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer, a lot of people are gonna die." he takes the picture he drew of Bucky out of his inside pocket and sets it on the board. "Peggy, this is my choice." he looks back to check on Ruth, upon seeing her ready, he pushes the wheel forward, and the plane starts to plummet. Her right hand holds onto the cube, and her other clutches the belt in deadly grip.

"Peggy?"

"I'm here."

"I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance."

"All right. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork club."

"You got it."

"Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?"

"You know, I still don't know how to dance."

"I'll show you how. Just be there."

"We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your…."

The impact forces Ruth to close her eyes, and clutch the cube in both her hands. She hits her head on the metal before her belt snaps off, sending her reeling towards the windshield. She opens her eyes when her descend seems to finish. For some miracle she is completely fine…  _So much for commiting suicide._ The cube is still in her hands. Steve is already there a few feet away, the wheel broken off lying next to him. The plane seems to have hit ice, for she can see a sliver of snowy ground outside.

Touching the back of her head, her hand comes out bloody. Frowning, she sits up, pushing aside the wheel, and crawls to Steve. From the outside he looks unharmed, checking his pulse its still there. Only knocked out then. Before she can withdraw her hand Steve's hand surges up and grabs hers.

Startled, she breathes out the Lord's name. "Jesus - the fuck?" she smacks away his hand. Then sighs, and slumps in her place. "We're still alive, if that's even important right now."

Steve sits up with a grunt, and glares at her. "Fuck."

"Yeah." helplessly her eyes shift to the windshield, namely to the ground outside. Steve follows her gaze. In theory, they  _could_ break the window and get out. Stringing together a radio out of the plane before it could sink all the way  _is_ pretty plausible. They could survive until some rescue due to their enhancement. But they simply continue to sit there and watch as the plane sinks bit by bit.

When at last Steve makes to get up, the plane shifts, making him fall on his ass. The light from the outside disappear completely. The cockpit now dark, the cube radiate only enough light to illuminate the little space between them.

"Let's move to the metal supports and get comfortable there." Steve begins to look around, "Ruth, can you shed some light a little around here." she comes a little closer to him, after two steps he fishes out the picture that must have flown off and fixes the crinkles with  careful caress. Then, he grabs his shield where it slid nearby, climbs up, and seems to deem one corner comfortable enough before sliding down there. Ruth settles down next to him, brings her knees up and lets the cube lay on her stomach.

"I honestly thought it would be more dramatic than this." Ruth says as a way to break the tension.

Half-chuckling Steve rubs his eyes, "Yeah me too. It is a bit anticlimactic."

Ruth laughs, if it sounded a little forceful both don't linger on it, "Who knew things would have turned out like this when we woke up this morning." Steve suspiciously doesn't say anything to that, causing Ruth to elbow him, "Right?"

His face souring, he pinches the bridge of his nose, "What you want me to say, Ruth?" and he doesn't elaborate.

Sighing, "Dunno. I guess maybe I wanted to hear that you haven't exactly planned not to make it back.."

"What?"

She shrugs. "Anyway where is your watch?" He fishes it out and hands it to her. Snapping it open, the watch indicates it's 1600 o'clock.

They sit like that for a long time after that, what would they talk about anyway so close to the end of their line? Ruth closes her eyes and leans her head back, occasionally she would hear a paper crinkle. She can feel the temperature dropping by the minute. And that makes her think of her home. Of how sunny it was, the exact opposite of Europe. She always loved that she lived so near the water, and she draws a little comfort that she is surrounded by water so close to the end of her story, her life.

"I used to surf so much." she speaks out after a while. She hears Steve turn to look at her. "The water at home was always so warm and welcoming, that was the only thing I missed. After, I understood what a luxury water really is." without moving her head, she opens her eyes and look up to the darkness, "I never knew my father, from what my mother mentioned once he was an abusive fucker. That he used to beat her almost everyday. She came to Hawaii to escape him. She jumped on a ship that was said to be going to the other side of the world and she didn't think twice about getting on it. Then I was born. At first she was glad I seemed healthy and unharmed. Then she started noticing some stuff. First she noticed how I never really cried. Well, she dismissed it thinking I'm one of those calm babies. It was the hardest when I grew up a little. I would sometimes bite my tongue a little too hard, or grind my teeth to pieces. And never feel any of it. The times she found me all bloody are probably a lot more than she ever let on. She never told anyone, never went to any doctors, afraid they would take me away from her. I guess, it happened either way, huh?" peering down at the watch shows 1715.

"Where is she now?"

"She's dead. They killed her. Hydra. When they came in to take me, she put up a fight and they shot her. I watched her lifeless body hit the floor. She died because of me. That's when I promised myself I'm gonna kill everyone that's responsible. And I'm the last target."

Steve flinches and turns away. They stray to silence once more.

1820: Ruth can tell Steve is starting to feel the cold for he starts to rub his hands together and tries to curl into a ball as much as possible while sitting up. But Ruth only watches the gust of air everytime she exhales and hears the plane groan with every shift.

"What's that dance you were talking about?"

"Peggy asked me to a dance, the night she came to the bar - "

"Wait, the night after the liberation? In that hot red dress?"

Steve would flush if his body was not so cold anymore, "Yeah, that dress, and that night."

"And you agreed?"

"Yes."

"But Bucky was like right next to you?"

"He understood. And it would have been stupid and suspicious of me to reject Peggy. Though, she knows."

The plane sinks lower, water starts to seep into the plane. Ruth hears it in trance.

"Knows what?"

"Knows about Bucky and I. Well, she didn't that night. But I told her later, and she understood. She's been a good friend. You all were."

She smiles, touched by his words. She is glad Steve thinks so, even though personally she's been an endless nuisance and been a horrible friend to all of them. With nothing to say to that, she simply look down at the cube, that is peacefully resting on her lap, and traces it with her fingers, wondering what it really is. Must be something powerful and beyond anyone's understanding.

1940: "My mom said my last name is my grandfather's name. Ayur. Whatever it means, though she did tell me once. I forgot." after a period of silence, she breaks it again, "Man, I used to dream about going to Mongolia, to see where I came from. I would beg my mom to teach me some Mongolian, but she wanted me to be far away from there as much as possible. It was so hard to find anything Mongolian, I gave up my search, then thought to learn some Russian. She was so furious when she found out." she remembers wistfully, now thinking back she wonders why couldn't she have just followed her words.

The plane shakes as it hits the bottom of the ocean, and they brace themselves until the plane has settled itself and the rumble subside completely. The temperature have irrevocably changed, Ruth can't feel it but she can feel Steve start to shiver.

"What was her name?" He asks through the chattering of his teeth.

"Nandia. It means precious. But everyone called her Nani."  

"Bucky always used to say his birthday didn't matter, that it was my birthday that mattered. But even then I would get him something for his birthday. It's hilarious that he would be surprised everytime."

"Well, I suppose this time he's gonna be pretty furious, eh?" She nudges and looks at him. What she finds makes her double take. Steve's lips had turned blue, and there is a slight tremor running along his body. She figures she probably looks the same, and now that she notices it the movement of her body have become sluggish, and her breathing is shallow. He stares blankly at her.

"Too soon?"

Smiling a little, he shakes his head, "I mean he would be. I just miss him so much." his mouth chatters.

Sighing wistfully again, "Me too." then she purses her lips, thinking back, "Well, I meant my mom, but your boy too yeah."

"If it was possible I would have married him as soon as possible."

"How long you guys been together?" Ruth can feel the captain getting used to the cold, and going numb. She thinks she is probably in a similar state but she can't be sure.

"Would have been our eleventh anniversary today." After a pause he continues, "Yeah, we got together on his birthday when he turned sixteen, and I was fifteen. He always used to say I was the best gift he could ask for his birthday. Which is ridiculous because he deserves so much better than he got."

They stay silent for a long moment after that. Ruth thinks back to the birthdays she used to have. Her mother had a bakery, she was popular among the people. Everybody loved her cakes. The smell she remembers particularly well, she would fill up her nose with sugar and cinnamon, or chocolate, everyday, as much as possible. She feels hot thinking about it, her hands go to loosen her jacket, while both struggling with her muscles and buttons, Steve reaches out to stop her.

"Don't. It'll make things worse."

Ruth accedes by relinquishing. Both lost in thought, the frost now has completely covered the plane, and water is nearly reaching where they're sitting.

2110: Steve whispers, "You were right."

It takes her a second to pull herself out of the trance "About?"

"About me not knowing anything about Hydra." she tries to glance at Steve, it takes a couple of attempts before she finds enough strength to move her frozen muscles. "I thought I did, but it-" Steve coughs, he covers his mouth with his hands, and it comes out bloody. Crinkling his nose, he wipes his hands on his pants, before he continues, "it took losing Bucky for me to really understand that urge to kill. None of us really knew, besides you and Bucky. And I wanna apologize. I'm sorry for being an insensitive dick."

Ruth is already shaking her head, or so she tries, "No, Steve. I stepped out of line that day too. We had specific orders, and I violated it. I mean I violated a lot of orders but that affected you guys too, so it was my fault."

She pauses, trying to figure out what to say next. There’s been something that’s been niggling her from the very first. “Steve?”

He twitches like he was losing conscious and his name brought him back. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. For what?”

“For basically telling you to commit suicide by avenging Bucky.”

Steve tilts his head, "It was still going to happen anyway. I knew the day I met Bucky I wouldn’t live without him."

A big yawn escapes her, suddenly very tired she rests her head on Steve's shoulder, curls a little protectively around the cube and simply closes her eyes. She feels Steve place his head on top of hers.

“At least we’re saving a lot of people?” He mumbles.

Chuckling as much as she can, she nods.

“Sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also mandarou's work "'Til the End of the Timeline" helped a great deal for me to discern what happened when and how. I really liked their calculation of the two fated incidents, so I implemented it in my story. 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878852
> 
> There is more to come for Ruth and Steve in the 21st century and how they're gonna carry out everything that the new century entails. Meeting gods and monsters, a girl from another reality, technological magnificence, finding out who Ruth's father is, and a foe who was once a friend....


End file.
